Hey guys. Today I am interviewing my 30 More student and my good friend Tyler Dorsey. She is the founder of Focus Forward, a company that focuses on ADHD providing everything from coaching to tutoring and other resources.
Tyler speaks today not only about ADHD and what it is, but she dives deep into how we can spot it in our kids, in ourselves, and our spouses. And what strengths come from being a person with ADHD, and how it intertwines with your businesses and our business’s growth.
This is a fun one today guys. So strap in, grab a drink, and let’s chat it out. This is episode number 26. I am your host Becca Pike. Let’s go.
Hey, guys. I’m Becca Pike and welcome to The Hell Yes Entrepreneur podcast, the number one show for entrepreneurs looking to create their first six-figure year. If you’ve got the drive and you know how to hustle but you’re not sure where to channel your energy, we’ve got the answers. Let’s dive into today’s show.
Becca: Hello, hello Tyler. How are we doing?
Tyler: Hi, I’m good. How are you doing?
Becca: I am doing fantastic. Thank you for being here today. Would you like to please take a second and just introduce yourself? Tell my audience what you do?
Tyler: Absolutely. So my name is Tyler Dorsey. I’m an ADHD life coach who helps kids with ADHD thrive, not just survive. No, I am an ADHD life coach and I honestly help kids thrive. I had ADHD myself, and I turned it into my superpower. I help others turn it into their superpower.
Becca: I love that. It’s been such a pleasure watching you grow this business and doing something that you’re so passionate about and that you love. It’s super fun to watch. If you’re cool with it, I’m just going to dive right in. Because to be honest, I have a lot of questions about ADHD just myself.
One of the reasons that I wanted to have you on this podcast is that I think a lot of my audience feels like they might have a lot of questions about ADHD as well. Because this is a term that is thrown around so often. I want to kind of get down to the nitty gritty of it. I love that you talk about it becoming your superpower and how it actually helps you in business and in life. So I want to get in on that as well.
So just to start it out. People get labeled with ADHD. What does that actually mean? What is ADHD?
Tyler: So ADHD is a neurobiological disorder meaning your brain is actually wired different than the neurotypical brain. In less medical terms, ADHD is a medical diagnosis in which you struggle with organization, time management, planning, prioritizing, emotional regulation, impulsivity, hyperactivity, inattention, and more.
What it is I hear a lot of people say, “Okay, well everyone struggles with that.” And yes, to some degree everyone struggles with it. So to be diagnosed with ADHD, you have to meet a criteria of like six of those areas with impulsivity, hyperactivity, all of those things, and it has to be a history of it being more than just the average struggle.
This is me super kind of dumbing it down. Because one thing I don’t like is when all these medical experts and doctors use like big language to try and describe it to you when it’s a lot simpler than that in terms of trying to describe it.
So I all the time hear people say, “Oh well you just get over it. You just make it happen.” It’s like yes and no. It’s like we aren’t necessarily built with the toolbox that most people have so that they can naturally overcome those obstacles as they come up. Instead we’re just hit with this constant trial and error, trial and error, trial, and error. It’s just harder for us to find our way and figure out what works for us.
Becca: Okay, what happens? What symptoms arise where people start questioning whether or not they might have ADHD or they might need to be seen?
Tyler: So it is like, now I’m not even going to use the terms like time management and stuff. I’m going to give you real scenarios. It’s like you are constantly, constantly losing everything. You are losing your keys. You’re losing your wallet. You’re putting things all the time where they don’t go. You’re a hot mess in terms of maybe you have thousands and thousands of post its everywhere, but you have no system to actually utilize information on those post its.
It’s someone telling you, maybe your kid tells you they need you to pick them up by six and you’re just constantly running late. Your kids are always forgetting things at home because you’re forgetting you’ve got to put it back in their backpack. For kids it’s things like that as well. I mean I primarily work with kids, but I know my audience listening right now is adults.
I mean it is just this constant feeling like you’re behind. You don’t know how to catch up. It’s also acting or reacting impulsively. It is struggling to manage those emotions. Where if someone gets really mad and someone pisses the average person off, normally you can know how to appropriately respond to that. Whereas an ADHD person might have a harder time and they have a larger emotional reaction to that.
I mean it’s so many different things. Those are a couple of different examples like as an adult what I struggle with for ADHD?
Becca: What’s it look like for kids? Because yes, our audience is adults, but our audience is adults with kids. Yeah.
Tyler: So for kids it’s lots of missing assignments. It’s getting notes from teachers saying they’re having a hard time sitting still. I wish they would pay more attention. So and so is sweet but they’re a distraction to others. Maybe they’re not sweet. Maybe they’re actually a behavior problem in class and they’re just constantly chatting in class. That doesn’t mean they’re not sweet. Maybe that’s not the comment they’re getting.
Maybe it’s at home. I mean at home for me growing up was like World War III. It was just constant fighting and arguing with my family. It was struggling in practice. Someone would tell me to do something, or I had to be on time, or I had to remember my knee pads. I played volleyball. I mean it was just a constant battle. It took me longer to do my homework than the average person. It was just all of those things happening all of the time. It’s not like it was happening every now and then. It was happening every single day.
Becca: Was that why it was a battle in your house because maybe your parents didn’t understand what was happening? Is that what you mean?
Tyler: Yeah. So it was a combination of that and then a combination of the lack of emotional regulation and controlling my impulses. So I would literally just pick fights with my siblings just to pick fights with my siblings. Or someone would look at me the wrong way and I would lose it.
There is a fine line between ODD, which is oppositional defiant disorder, which is a kid who is just extremely defiant and then ADHD, which can have some defiance in it because of that impulsivity. That can trigger the anger. So it is important to differentiate between the two, but a lot of times my impulses and my emotions showed as anger. That just caused craziness in my house.
Becca: Was the anger and the emotional impulse, was that a product of being misunderstood or that was a biological product? Like a chemical imbalance? Do you know what I’m saying?
Tyler: Both. Yes. So I would say it’s both. Because even to this day I feel like I have my ADHD very, very well managed, but there are times when I can just be triggered by something out of nowhere and I can’t necessarily manage. The anger is different now. Normally now it comes out as yelling or something like that whereas then I was like literally beating the crap out of my siblings.
I definitely would say that if I would have been better understood, both better understood my own ADHD and my parents better understand my ADHD, a lot of that could have been not prevented but handled better by both of us. We didn’t always know what triggered that. So therefore if you don’t know what triggers it, you don’t know how to stop it or minimize it.
Becca: ADHD is something that’s like growing rapidly. Is that correct? So it’s not growing, but we’re just finding that more people have it. Is that true?
Tyler: Yeah. So I think what it comes down to is that the history of ADHD is very short. The 80s is when it first became a diagnosis of ADD. Before then there were different types of diagnosis for it, but the 80s is when it really kind of started to pick up steam. Late 80s and 90s babies are probably the ones who really first started getting diagnosed and medicine was the thing that gave them. I didn’t even hear the definition of ADHD until I was 18, and I was diagnosed at 11.
Now I think there’s just so much more understanding around ADHD that kids are getting diagnosed. Most of the time it’s very hereditary. So I have ADHD and it is very likely that all of my children have it, if not most of them.
So a lot of parents take their kiddos to get diagnosed. When they start learning more about it, they’re like, “Oh my gosh. This is me.” So they’re getting diagnosed. So I think it comes down to just the knowledge and understanding around ADHD and what it is. That’s why you’re seeing it more often.
Becca: Do you think a lot of people are undiagnosed walking around?
Tyler: Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of people are undiagnosed. I think there’s a fine line. I think technology now makes everyone distracted. So I think everyone just thinks they have ADHD because they’re so easily distracted by technology, and they’re missing the fact that it’s more than just being distracted.
So I do think some people are like, “Oh I have ADHD because I’m easily distracted.” You’re not just easily distracted if you have ADHD. You’re actually a hot mess. People are looking at you like get your shit together.
Becca: There’s other symptoms that go along with it. Yeah.
Tyler: Yeah. I can say that because I need to get my shit together sometimes.
Becca: Speaking of social media, I feel like there’s a big difference between. Whenever we get on social media and we’re scrolling and watching these videos and these pictures and we’re getting these really small dopamine hits, our brain is looking for more small dopamine hits. So our attention span is literally getting smaller. Our capacity to hold attention is getting smaller as we have these faster and quicker hits of dopamine. That’s a whole other topic of conversation worth having.
When I think about people letting their kids be on Tik Tok and be on Instagram and looking through that and themselves as well. It’s like it’s not just screen time that is bad for your eyes or leaning down is bad for your neck or “wasting time”. To me it’s we need to protect our ability to produce dopamine and our ability to hold attention through longer periods of time, right.
Like I know kids that can’t even watch a show anymore because it’s a full 23 minutes and that’s too long to hold their attention. That, to me, is like a crisis. That’s something that we should be talking about, right.
Tyler: Yep. Honestly that’s like a great insight into what happens to the ADHD brain taking technology out of it. Like when technology wasn’t a thing, that was what I struggled with day to day. That was just because I didn’t have… I mean obviously attention and distractions is a huge part of ADHD. I didn’t have that stamina built up to be able to know how to hold my attention long enough when I started losing interest in something.
I think while it’s not necessarily ADHD because it’s happening to everybody. That’s a great example though of what it can be like for an ADHD person in every single situation and not just technology related.
Becca: Yeah. Are there different levels of ADHD, or no?
Tyler: I say yes and no. I mean there’s three different diagnoses. So all of them are ADHD, but there’s three different presentations. There’s inattentive, there’s hyperactive and impulsive, and then there is combined where you’re inattentive, hyperactive, and impulsive all together. They’re not necessarily different levels, but they do present differently.
So you’ve got the kid you physically see bouncing off the wall, cannot stop, run like a motor. Then you’ve got the kid who probably is making all A’s and B’s, who seems to be doing fine, but at home their parents see that they’re spending hours on end trying to get an assignment done or they are struggling to pay attention in class. It’s more like silent.
So I see the kids who are actually bouncing off the walls failing classes, they come to me first because there’s like a “crisis” now. The kids who are just like doing okay. They’re getting decent grades. They’re doing fine at home. I see that hit them later in life when they no longer have the support. Parents aren’t doing things for them. Teachers aren’t doing things for them. All that’s gone and now they don’t know how to do that for themselves.
So I get a lot of kids either at the age of middle school/high school now who are actually failing, struggling. It’s a fight at home. They just need help getting that stuff down. Then we can start working on ADHD.
Then I get the kids who have made a transition to college or the real world and then shit hits the fan because they never learned. Every school and parents were providing enough structure for their brains to function and not see how much of a hot mess they really were.
Becca: Hm, that’s so interesting.
Becca: So what are the ways that you help them? So they come to you, and there’s a lot of tutoring involved. How is it different than normal tutoring? What do you guys focus on for the ADHD brain? Maybe my listeners can think about how they could also focus differently on their children or on themselves as well as they’re learning.
Tyler: So here’s the thing. We have changed what tutoring means in the Focus Forward world. Tutoring, we don’t help you understand your math. We don’t help you understand your science. Odds are, you know how to do that. The kids know how to do the work. Now they may have missed the instruction in the class, but if they didn’t miss the instruction, they would have known how to do it, right.
So the problem isn’t that they’re actually struggling to understand the content all the time. Now every now and then, of course, you’re going to get that class that you struggle with.
The problem is they’re not doing the work. It’s not happening. They’re not getting it done. So we have kind of restructured what tutoring is. We are almost like their body double. We’re here to say, “Okay what do you need to get done next? Let me help you make a list. Let’s break this down into doable, manageable parts. Okay let’s get this done.”
Then getting started is a really hard part for some of us with ADHD. So it’s like okay. How do we want to get started? Where are you getting stuck? Why are you struggling to get started on this task? It’s helping them just get started. Or maybe they get in the middle of a math problem and they’re not sure what route to go and how to finish it off. So they just kind of stop. It’s helping them problem solve and overcome that.
That’s just building this base level of coincidence that they can do it. So that then in the background the parents are working on understanding what ADHD is. The kids are working.
We have a class coming out called Mom, Me, and my ADHD, which is our new group coaching program. It’s to understand what ADHD is. It is to understand the fundamentals so that while we’re helping you get your grades pulled up, you’re also understanding how it’s impacting your entire life. Then once we are on solid ground with grades, it’s taking that to the next level and really diving deeper into what is ADHD in your brain and how can we help you build up a toolbox?
So it’s not just, “Okay great. You’ve got good grades. See you later.” It’s like great, you’ve got good grades. Let’s take this to the next level. Let’s help you find this to be your superpower.
So if you take that concept, I mean I do it in the work world. I have my COO who’s going to sit here. She literally text me like, “What’s your list for today?” Then she’s checking it. “Have you gotten this done? Have you gotten that done? How can I help you? Where are you getting stuck?”
It’s just knowing she’s there just in case I need help problem solving is like a game changer for my brain. It tricks my brain into being like no you can keep going. It’s also knowing she’s going to check in on me. So I don’t have time to mess around.
Becca: Yeah, I love that. I love that you have just communicated with someone on your team. This can go for anyone. Anybody that’s listening, this can be your spouse. It can be your kid. It can be whatever. You can make your own list, right.
You have someone that you have communicated, “Hey, this is how my brain works. This is what I need from you. Can you check in with me at 9:00 a.m., 12:00, and 3:00 p.m. and see that I’ve done X, Y, and Z.” Right? Is there any other tool like that that you have for our listeners that could just help them on their day to day?
Tyler: I think honestly the biggest thing that makes that work is the fact that in Focus Forward, we’re not their parents. So we’re like that third party helping them out. A lot of times parents could do the exact same thing, but they’re not going to get the same result. My husband could do that for me, but I would be like, “Stop telling me what to do. Seriously. Shush. Stop.”
Becca: You can’t hire that.
Tyler: No, you can’t. So it’s like finding your partner in crime whether that’s a teacher, a counselor, someone at work, a friend. It’s whoever can hold you accountable and be kind of their job. So it’s like making sure that you’re not driving them nuts. So that’s why I try not to lean on my family and friends for that. I try to lean on my team for that. I let my kids and their parents lean on us for that so that then we can reach out to their teachers.
In addition to that, honestly the biggest piece of advice I have is to just get to know your brain. Get to know what ADHD is and what pieces of ADHD pertain to you and your brain. I mean once you understand that, then you can start finding tools that work and are manageable.
Becca: And to stop making it the enemy, right.
Becca: I think so many people get diagnosed with ADHD, and it’s this big problem, right. Versus like you believing that it is now your superpower. So can you tell us a little bit about why you think it’s your superpower now? Like when did you start thinking, “Hey maybe this actually might be a good thing. Maybe my brain working a little bit differently is a good thing.” Can you give us a little insight on that?
Tyler: So I used to use it as my biggest excuse. I can’t do this, fill in the blank, because I had ADHD. It pissed people off. It got to the point to where freshman year of college I failed because frankly the real world doesn’t give a shit. They don’t care. You’ve just got to figure it out. I hate to say that because obviously I care. It’s what I do. But the real world does not care. You’ve got to figure out how to survive basically.
I learned that freshman year of college when I failed. I failed all classes except one, which was like literally College 101. You didn’t even have to do anything. Then another one which was a lab. I got like a point away from failing. I got whatever the lowest D was.
I got a letter from the college saying, “If you don’t get your grades pulled up, you’re not allowed to play.” I had to get it up to a 2.0, which was a lot, to play the next season of volleyball. And I had to get it up to that for me to stay at the school for the following school year.
That’s when I realized it doesn’t matter. I can keep saying it as an excuse. I can keep using it at as my crutch, but at the end of the day it’s not going to get me to where I want to go. So I dove deep. I started understanding my brain. I stopped using it as an excuse. I started asking for help.
Having to do that is when I realized I had to work through an obstacle not everyone has to work through at that age. I realized a lot of my peers weren’t comfortable asking for help because they didn’t have to yet. That’s when I started thinking like huh, I’m getting all this help. I’m accelerating. I graduated in four years. I went from failing my first semester to graduating in four years while working a full time 40 hour a week job and playing volleyball.
That’s when I was like huh. Which brings me to I can multitask like no other. I can do all the things. Then on top of it, I know how to use my impulses for good. So I to a certain degree—People with ADHD, especially the impulsive people and hyperactive people, we’re risk takers. We want to go and do. There are a lot of things. It’s benefited me in my business that I’m just like you know what? I’m just going to do this. I’m confident in my ability. I know I can make this happen. So I’m just going to do it and we’re going to figure it out. We’re going to work through it.
While there’s times it frustrates me, once I learned how to navigate the waters a little smoother instead of just constantly falling, which means me getting help. Like coming into your 30 More class. I went all in. The day I hired you guys, I think John Richardson was my first coach. I looked at him and I was like, “I’m going all in. I’m going all in and we’re going to see what happens because I’m done.” Because I was struggling with the business side. I was struggling to figure it out.
That’s when I was like you know what? What did I do in college when I struggled? I got help. Tyler needs help. So I did. I got a coach, and I was like, “Help me get my shit together.” That’s when my journey began. I just think people are too scared to make that leap, but it’s because of failure. I had failed so many times that I’m not afraid of failure. I know I’ll get back up and I’ll figure my shit out.
Becca: I love that. I love that it’s your superpower. I love that you’re like, “No I’m just really good now at asking for help. I’m really good at multitasking. I’m phenomenal at this, this, and this.” Like yeah, I’m a huge believer in that. I’m a believer that if there’s any part of you that you don’t like or that you’re using as an excuse, just flip it and ask yourself. Like okay, how does this actually work for me?
It’s something that I do with my multitasking. I’ve always joked that I can’t stay on task very well, but the truth is that I can do a lot of things at once and I do them well. Yes, sometimes it’s annoying. Sometimes it’s like I’ve got 13 tabs open on my computer. I’m doing everything. But who can do that? A powerful brain can do that. Just finding the beauty in it is so important.
Yes, when you came into Hell Yes Coaching you came in with a bang, and you’ve done really well. It’s been really fun watching you. You did lean all in and your results show for that.
So Tyler is in my 30 More class. She went through Three More as well. Can you tell them a little bit about just your journey in 30 More? Then we can pop back over to ADHD.
Tyler: Yeah. So man, what has my journey been in 30 More? Well I did Three More, and I loved it. It was the best community. It was all I needed to kind of light that fire under my ass and get me going again. To pull in clients and to not be afraid to put myself out there more. It kind of gave me some of the backend knowhow that I was already crushing it.
Like while I wasn’t getting the amount of clients I wanted to roll through, when I did get a client come through, I was signing them. I was doing great. They were with me. Then we started growing and it was like how do I expand my reach? I think that’s what I took away from Three More. So I was so happy with that.
I got invited to 30 More and I was like, “Hell yeah, let’s do this shit.” Then 30 More started and you were like, “All right guys. It’s time to slow it down.” I was like what? What are you talking about slow down? You were like, “No like you’re a CEO. It’s time for you to step into the CEO role. We’re going to stop with the chihuahua energy.” I like went into panic mode. I was like no, no, no. I need more clients. I have a number to hit this year. I need more clients.
30 More has just like taught me how to be the CEO I want to be. Like you’ve given me background on just like general business stuff, but I feel like more, so you give me the starting thoughts to take it where I want to take it, right? You provide kind of this base level structure of what it can look like. Then you’re like, “All right now. What are you going to make it into Tyler? Go make it. Go kill it. Go crush it.”
That’s where I’m at now. It’s like me coming into my own. Not just as like Tyler doing a hobby job of Focus Forward, I like to work with kids every now and then. No. Like Tyler CEO of Focus Forward who’s going to make a massive impact on the ADHD world.
Becca: Yeah, absolutely. I think everyone panics when they come into 30 More and we talk about slowing down, but slowing down never means taking on less clients. It means slowing your mind down. Slowing your energy, that chihuahua energy that we talk about and turning it into lioness energy, right.
Being able to say hey I can gain a ton more clients by simultaneously only doing the $1,000 an hour tasks. I’m no longer doing all of these penny pinching tasks running all over the place. I’m going to step into that CEO place and begin hiring, begin training, begin offsetting and delegating.
What has happened for you too, like when you first came into 30 More, you were wearing all of the hats, right. Now you’ve hired so many more people and your day to day is much cleaner, yeah.
Tyler: Yeah. So I trusted the process. It’s what it means. You set up the process in Three More. You figure out how you’re going to gain clients. You solidify all of that. Then in 30 More I trusted the process and I delegated that part of the process.
So now I’m the one who’s putting my face out there to get more clients, but yeah, I hired a team to do my day to day work so that I could be the bigger picture, be the visionary. Be the person to steer this ship to bigger and better things. Otherwise I could have made great money just doing what I learned in Three More and staying there, but I would have capped out.
That is something that it took me getting into 30 More to realize. That I could have made maybe a million dollars, probably a million dollars doing what I was doing, but I wouldn’t have had the reach I wanted to have, which is that would have very much limited me to how many people I could have helped. I probably wouldn’t have had the confidence and the vision to make it bigger.
So now in 30 More it’s like no Tyler, now what you are doing, while it’s great, is not going to give you the reach you want to have. What you are doing, you need to rethink it. That’s what I really had to spend this first round of 30 More doing was like okay.
I have a desire to impact as many people with ADHD in a positive way as I can. That means I have to challenge my brain, and I have to figure out how to do it differently. I have to get rid of all the old beliefs I had, which was something you massively challenged me on.
I’m pretty sure when you did, that’s when I super panicked. I was like, “No Becca. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Leave me alone.” But I did. It’s like knowing that it’s okay to create something that’s never been created before.
Becca: Part of being a coach, I swear, is like telling people the best way to do things, and then they just are pissed at you for three to four days because they don’t want to believe it. They’re just so mad. They’re like, “No that can’t be the answer. That’s way too uncomfortable. I’m going to go look for a different answer.” Right? Instead of just being uncomfortable with it.
But yeah, and it happens. Also I think, like you said, with the trajectory you were on, you could have made a million dollars but like at what cost. The trajectory that you were going on, yes. If we had added it all up, if you worked your ass off, if you were working 60 hours a week and just killing yourself. Could you have made a million dollars? Yeah. I mean most people can, believe it or not. Most people don’t believe that, but they can.
But now as you’re scaling and in the true version of what scaling means, right. To be able to expand your ceiling without working much harder. You have now hired and created space and trained other people in a way that’s going to allow you to reach a million, two million, three million dollars without losing your mind over it.
Tyler: Right. I think that’s something that’s often missed out is whether you’re an entrepreneur or you are working for a company of some sort. It’s not all about the money. I’m sorry but you have one life to live. Like yeah, I could have hit a million dollars. I could have done X, Y, and Z, but I would have had no time. I would have not had the time I wanted with my family. I would have not had the mental clarity that I had. I would have been stressing all the time. I would not have been enjoying where I was at.
I see that time and time again. We strive for the money, but it’s just so much more than that for me. I am paid in freedom, in the ability to hang out with my family and not stress. I am paid in money. I am paid in the satisfaction of being able to help as many people as possible. That’s something you really have to think about. It’s like how do you want to be paid? Because it’s not just money.
Becca: Yeah, absolutely. It’s funny because I even considered it. I was getting ready to say this is between me and you. I forgot we were on a podcast.
Tyler: This is between me and you and everyone listening.
Becca: This is just between me and you and all the podcast listeners, but I’ll say it anyway. So I’ve actually considered repositioning the messaging for 30 More because along the way I have definitely gained this reputation as someone that teaches you how to gain your income and your revenue. I talk about income and revenue a lot.
30 More has been really eye opening. I don’t think I even really noticed how much I actually teach like time freedom and enjoying your actual life. There is no industry, there is no business that is worth sacrificing your life and your kids and your husband and your hobbies and your friends and all of your time.
We spend a hell of a lot of time in 30 More just learning how to run a company in a way that still lets you have hobbies and still lets you be able to fully function in your life. There is no room for grind, grind, grind and kill yourself in that room.
Tyler: No you look down upon that. Like guys stop. Make your life easier, please. What do you need to do? I think that that’s ultimately yeah. We share our revenues, and that’s our way of holding each other accountable because that’s an easy thing to measure. I mean you could, but if I were to track every single hour of my day and how I spent it. Then you were like, “All right guys. Tell me how much time you spend on this and that.” It would be silly.
It is. I mean I feel like 30 More has taught me. I mean there was a whole session when all you talked about was how to take care of yourself and eating and the importance of feeding your brain and empowering that. That is something that I’ve instilled in my company.
Every person I hire, they need to have a growth mindset. Meaning they have to be willing to challenge themselves and grow and be in that uncertainty because I want a powerhouse team. They have to take care of themselves.
They have to make sure that they know what their boundaries are. Because I’m going to get a lot more work out of someone who has properly taken care of themselves, enjoyed their weekend, enjoyed some time off, hung out with their family, and come and kicked ass for six hours then I will from someone who’s punching the clock and not clocking out and doing like 60 hours a week. Like there’s wasted energy in there.
Becca: They’re exhausted.
Tyler: Yeah. So that’s what I tell my team. I’m like listen, I’m not hiring you for 40 hours a week. I’m hiring you to get your job done and do it well. That’s what I want at the end of the day.
Becca: Yeah, and to come in refreshed and slept and ready to work and not exhausted. Yeah. That’s exactly what we want for ourselves as well. I love that. Okay so to wrap up that, thank you for saying all those awesome things about 30 More.
30 More application for 2022 opens on November 16th and it closes on November 21st. So it’s a very small window of opportunity. If anyone that is listening wants to apply for this round, it starts in January of 2022. We are kicking it off in Miami for two days. It is a phenomenal two day event. We’re going to go down there.
We’re going to plan out your entire 2022 year. Everything that your business is going to need and everything that it takes. Then we’re going to fly back to our home bases and we’re going to spend the next six months together learning and turning you from an entrepreneur into a CEO. So November 16th if you are looking for that window.
All right. So let me ask you a couple more questions about ADHD because I have them, again, just for myself. How does ADHD…
Tyler: Becca Pike says, “Hmm, do I have ADHD?”
Becca: Listen, Becca Pike wakes up every single day wondering if she has ADHD.
Tyler: Tyler Dorsey hops on a call every single day wondering if Becca Pike has ADHD.
Becca: Yeah, listen. Becca Pike would go get diagnosed, but she’s just too scatterbrained to make the appointment okay.
Tyler: You’re good. You’re good.
Becca: I’m just too all over the place to make an appointment to find out if I’m diagnosed all over the place.
Tyler: Yeah, yeah. I get it.
Becca: All right. So how does ADHD show up for you in motherhood?
Tyler: That’s a good question. So I have an almost two year old. She turns two this month, and then a one year old. He’ll be one in January. I feel like I knew my brain really well when I went into becoming a mom.
So when I had my oldest, I had done a lot of work on myself. I had done a lot of digging and understanding my brain. So I think I went into motherhood kind of knowing what might happen. I also knew how to predict is the best word I can think of when I was going to start getting super overwhelmed or when things were going to get crazy.
What I will say is I have become more disorganized in my personal life since having my second kid. My first kid I feel like I didn’t really skip a beat. Then I had the second and they were a year apart. So that’s a whole other craziness in itself. I feel like I was managing things at work really well. Then I was trying to manage things at home really well. Then all of a sudden things just started falling apart.
Part of it was because I had to overcome my own objection of hiring a good nanny because I had to realize like to make money, I have to spend some money. Which means I have to have a quality nanny who’s going to show up. It wasn’t until I think last summer that I actually hired my first nanny. I still kept trying to cut corners.
I kind of felt like I was back in school and forgetting to turn assignments in or forgetting to do assignments. Because I noticed there’s little things where and there kept dropping. Instead of getting to the end of the school year or semester and realizing I was failing, I recognized it as I went and then I started asking help and/or hiring more help for nanny stuff.
Then in the work world I started hiring more help in my business because I realized it was getting to a point where I needed to have. At the time she started as an assistant, now she’s my COO. I needed to have someone helping with money, so I hired a CFO. I hired a marketing team. I hired a full time coach. I’m about to hire another full time coach.
That’s when I started realizing on the business end, I had to get help because on the personal end, this wasn’t a hobby job anymore. I couldn’t treat it like a hobby job anymore. Me becoming a mom was getting too hard to balance both. I would say becoming a mom made me more messy at home, but honestly, I’ve never been clean at home. I’m not gross messy, but I wash my clothes and dry my clothes and don’t fold them messy. I just pick my clean clothes out of a basket. It just gets worse.
Becca: Yeah, but that’s not ADHD. That’s just being a mom.
Tyler: No, that’s what I’m saying.
Becca: Like we’re all surviving.
Tyler: That’s what I’m learning. I’ve been doing that my whole life. Between that and cleaning and keeping things organized or keeping a planner. Now I do keep everything on my phone. I mean like my hair lady, I got a hair appointment. This was definitely like Tyler’s taking on too much. This was the moment I realized I couldn’t balance being a mom and work anymore.
I made a hair appointment. My hair lady takes like three months to get to. I hope she listens to this because we were talking about it the other day. I’m never late to anything. If there’s one thing, I am like 30 minutes early. That’s where my lack of time management shows up, but it’s because my mom was always pushing the last minute. It stressed me out when I was younger. So now I show up super, super early because I can’t show up on time because I don’t know how to manage my time.
My hair lady, she text me and she was like, “Hey where are you?” I was like, “It’s at 2:30.” She’s like, “No it was at 2:00.” I was like okay. I’m on my way. She’s like, “Tyler I’m sorry, but it’s been too long, and I already gave your spot away.” I like burst into tears. I was like what? I need to get my hair done.
It had nothing to do with getting my hair done but everything to do with the fact that that’s when I realized things started slipping through the cracks. Because I was never late. I show up like 15 minutes early now. She was like, “You’re never going to be late again, are you?” I was like no, I won’t.
That’s the one thing. I’ve never really ever been late. I’m always super early to an annoying factor. So I think it’s things like that kept popping up. Part of that is being a mom. I mean that’s why it’s like, I think it’s a little more chronic than most. When you’re balancing babies, it’s a lot of work.
Becca: Well and I think that the society we live in today has an abnormally weird protocol for how to be a “good mom”, you know? I feel like this is talked about and maybe this is beating a dead horse, but at the same time like what moms. It’s not just moms, but parents in general. What we are expected of ever since social media came about.
It’s like okay you’ve got to be a businesswoman, but also still be able to do the stay at home mom things. If you could homeschool and run a business and stay in shape and make homemade cookies and breakfast and look really good and always have your hair done and have a proper social media account. It’s unattainable.
Did you read my post? I don’t know if anybody read this post the other day. I was talking about dropping Cedar off at preschool, my three year old. I get there and first of all, I hear this dad talking to this other little boy. He’s like, “Okay buddy. Whenever they say smile, just smile for your picture. Be sure that you’re smiling real big.” I looked at him and I said, “Is it picture day?” He was like yeah.
Then in front of his little boy and him and the teacher and Cedar I said fuck. Then I look at Cedar and she’s like covered in Cheerios and her hair’s in a sloppy bun. I’m apologizing that I dropped the f bomb in front of his kid. I get her in there and she takes her little picture just looking sloppy as hell.
Then I get her home and then the next day I go in and all the kids are wearing Halloween costumes. Cedar doesn’t have a Halloween costume. They have to get it out of the dirty lost and found bin underneath all the nasty mouse nests. I just made that up. She doesn’t actually go to school with mouse nests. Maybe. Maybe she does. I don’t know. How would I know? I’m that mom.
So I was just talking about it on Facebook. I was like I wish people would start talking about their real lives because this is real life.” The truth is that I’m a fantastic mom. I have no regrets of how I raise my kids, but like shit falls through the cracks. You’re going to forget hair appointments. You’re going to forget nail appointments. I forgot the other day that Solo has gymnastics. We were rushing to get there. Then we didn’t have a mask.
The majority of the stuff that we do is on time, and it’s thought out and it’s collected. Most of the things that we do are awesome as far as time management. Some shit it’s just too much. There’s four kids. There’s four different sports. There’s two companies. Then I’m trying to get a good wife and a good this and that. At some point you just start questioning who made up these rules.
I went on a tangent the other night to my husband. I was like I’m going to stop shaving my armpits. He was like, “Okay.” I was like because who made that rule up? That’s stupid. Someone made that rule up, and now I have to follow it. I’m supposed to shave my armpits every day? What if I don’t want to? I was like it’s been like two weeks. I haven’t shaved them, and I feel fierce as fuck. I am excited about life. He was like, “Okay babe. Do what you need to do.”
Tyler: Whatever you want.
Becca: Yes. You know at some point you just have to question who made up all of these societal rules, and which ones are the ones I’m actually going to follow? If my kid doesn’t have a costume on costume day. She didn’t even notice by the way. She was like, “Oh look he’s a firefighter. He’s a policeman.” She had no idea that she wasn’t wearing a costume. She didn’t have thoughts about it. So anyways. Go mom. You guys are kicking ass.
Tyler: I was going to say. That’s where you know every single mom listening to this and not listening to this agrees with what you just said. So instead I just decided I’m going to decide what’s important to me and the rest can just happen if it happens.
Becca: Yeah. You know what I did? So I started asking myself like what is my number one end goal with parenting? Like what is parenting to me? After a lot of thinking about it I realized that, for me, parenting is literally raising humans that are capable of survival out in the wild, right. Like when they grow up, they’re going to be capable of happiness. They’re going to be capable of responsibilities. That they’re just going to be capable.
So if that is my end goal, if my end goal is truly to create capable humans, then does it matter that she has Cheerios on her shirt on picture day? Does it matter that I just accidently dropped the f bomb in front of her? Does it matter that she has a costume on costume day? Those are just bonuses that make her feel happy.
Other than that, all of my energy is going in to make sure that they’re going to grow up knowing how to emotionally regulate. That they’re going to know how to communicate with other people in an efficient way. That they are going to be able to cook. That they are going to be able to clean and have an environment for themselves. They are going to be able to do all the things that equal adulting. That’s that. Everything else is a bonus.
Tyler: Yeah, no. I mean that’s exactly what I do. It’s that and then it’s like you said the costumes don’t matter. The rest doesn’t matter. Like y’all have a beautiful creek in your backyard and you’re making amazing memories by playing in the creek.
She’s going to remember that you forgot her costume and picture day and dropped the f bomb and it’s going to be a hilarious memory that she has. That’s what it’s going to be. Like, “Hey mom remember that one time when I was three years old, and you said the f word in front of everyone?”
Becca: She’s only going to remember it because I wrote about it on Facebook. That’s the only reason. It’s going to come up on a time hop. Yeah. I will add also just as a disclaimer. On top of raising capable humans, part of being capable is feeling extremely loved and feeling like a part of acceptance, like a part of a crew. They need to feel like they are a part of a unit, right. So like that’s another part of it. It’s just loving them hard and teaching them how to be capable in the world.
Tyler: Exactly. Letting them know like hey it’s okay if you threw together some Spaghetti-Os for dinner while washing laundry you’re never going to fold.
Tyler: That’s okay every now and then. You don’t have to have it all together. I mean it’s once a month clean your house, maybe. Again I’m not gross. I’m just okay living in laundry.
Becca: Yes, exactly.
Tyler: It’s not where my priority is. One day when I hit, we’ll say like, I don’t know. When I hit a revenue number, when I can pay myself a certain amount then I’m just going to hire a cleaning lady. I’m going to hire all of it.
Becca: Oh you’re already there. Spoiler alert. I’m going to go ahead and coach you. You’re already there. There is no revenue point in which you’re going to feel more comfortable than you are right now. So go ahead and hire that person and build a job in the community for them. There you go.
Tyler: Yeah, no it is though. That’s like another. I think there’s so much stigma around rich people. Like that rich bitch. She can afford X, Y, and Z. Like hell no. Do you know what we had to do to get there? Do you know how hard we had to work and what we had to do to get to a point to where like we not only can afford to hire the people, but we are mentally in a place where we don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks because we’re going to hire these people. Because it’s a lot of work. It’s not easy.
Becca: Is that what’s keeping you from hiring someone? Is that a thought that someone’s going to judge you for it?
Tyler: No. I really want granite right now. So I’m just prioritizing where I’m putting my money.
Becca: Granite like countertops?
Tyler: We just built our house and we got it Formica because I did not like my granite option. So I told my husband I was like we could, or I could make my house look beautiful first and put all my money there and then hire someone to clean my beautiful house.
Becca: Yeah, exactly. Get the granite and then get the granite cleaner.
Tyler: Exactly. Exactly.
Becca: Right. Well, I love that everyone just got to hang out with us for the last hour. I feel like I completely forgot that we were on a podcast several times. So we went off on many directions, but usually that’s what people like to be honest. A lot of people will contact me and be like, “Hey I loved that tangent you guys went off on like off into the middle of nowhere land.” So that’s solid.
So can you please tell my audience where they can find you and exactly what it looks like to work with you. Then tell us a little bit about your Mom, Me, and My ADHD course coming up.
Tyler: Yeah. So you can find me by going to focusforwardadhd.com. When you work with us, we right now primarily work with like middle school/high school/college ages. Our goal is to empower you or your student to do the best they can in school. I’m really not a grades person. I don’t give a shit what your grades are. I’m a work ethic and self-discipline person. I think that’s what most people are. So we just want to help them understand what that looks like in the academic realm.
Then we have what’s called Mom, Me, and My ADHD. So I actually wrote a book. It is 365 questions in getting to know your ADHD kiddo. It’s called Mom, Me, and My ADHD. It launches in early 2022. With all of those questions, we created the course Mom, Me, and My ADHD, which is kind of like a group coaching course. It’s actually kind of modeled off of Becca’s Three More.
But it’s kind of like a group coaching course where they get all of this background knowledge that they can watch on ADHD and what it is, but then they also get group coaching with me every other week for the parents so that they can just pick my brain and I can help them thrive.
Then every month their kiddos get access to me in group coaching so they can see it is a superpower. It is normal. They can become a functioning amazing adult like I am. I just called myself amazing guys. I just called myself amazing guys. That’s where I’m at. I went from failing everything to calling myself amazing. I’m going to stick with it because I am. I love what I do, and I want your kids to see it’s possible for them too.
Becca: I love it. It’s so fun. Well, I am super proud to have you on this podcast. It has been a pleasure watching you make a ripple in the ADHD world as well as coming into Three More and 30 More. I’ve just watched you blow the roof off of your own business. It’s been phenomenal to be on the standbys watching it. Be on the standbys? Be on the sidelines.
Tyler: The stands? Sidelines?
Becca: I love being on the standbys. Just a question for my audience. How many times every time you talk to me, what percentage of conversations do we have where I use the wrong word for things?
Tyler: Oh every time.
Becca: People get so funny about using the wrong words. I had this girl tell me that she was so embarrassed because she was doing a Facebook live and she actually said a word that was pronounced wrong. I was like do you know me? See you on the standbys. I know. Just keep going with those imperfections. All right. Thank you so much Tyler.
Tyler: Absolutely. Thank you for having me.
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