Hello my friends. Oh my gosh, you guys. I am just coming out of a sickness you can probably still hear it in my nose because I sound like I’m sick. But I actually feel really good today. I’ve been laying in bed for like three straight days. I don’t know what it was. It was just a virus of some sort took over my body. Laid in bed for three days with fever and chills. Today I am finally feeling back to myself.

I don’t know if you guys know. I’m sure that you know this, but like when you come out of a sickness and all of a sudden the grass is greener, and the sky is bluer and like the birds are chirping just a little bit louder. Like you just feel so good. So thankful to be back to your normal life. The same life that you felt like was stressful just like a week ago. You’re like oh my god. This life is beautiful. It’s amazing. Oh, man.

Okay, so I am feeling really good. I have a super special announcement to make. I just made this decision. One of the main reasons that people love coming into the 30 More mastermind is the live event that kicks it off, right. In January, we were going to Austin, Texas to kick off the next round of 30 More. I just made a great decision. I just decided we need more of it. We need more time to get to know each other, to relax into the environment, to have more teachings, to have more guest speakers, to come together and have more dinners and breakfasts and lunches and coffee dates together.

When we get together in Austin, Texas and when we get together with any mastermind at the live event, it is so nurturing and healing to surround yourself with other people that are growing their businesses, that have the same fears as you, that have the same excitement as you a lot of the stuff that we don’t get at home, right? Because it’s really hard to talk about business growth as much as you want to to your mom and your sister who just doesn’t get it right.

So coming together, I have noticed such a camaraderie and such a community that happens at these live events. I was just talking to Nicole, my OBM, and I was like we need more of that. Like, why are we cutting it short? So we just decided next round Austin, Texas, we’re going even bigger, even better for the same price, guys.

While we’re on the subject of the same price, I’m just gonna throw out a little hint here. This is probably the last round that it’s going to be $12,000. I am going to likely, I haven’t put in this in stone yet. I haven’t written it down anywhere. I haven’t like put it in my blood yet. But I’m already feeling like this is a massive, massive, underpriced program. Like the people that are coming in here are gaining hundreds of thousands of dollars, and I’m only charging $12,000 for what I’m teaching.

So if there’s a part of you that wants to experience 30 More at this price level, I highly suggest getting into this room right now. Right now we are at the very tippy end of being able to use the payment plan. If you want to be on this payment plan, if you want to be able to break up the $12,000 into three payments, you have to apply for 30 More before August 31^st. Or if you don’t need the payment plan, you’re like no I can pay in full, but I want to go ahead and reserve my spot, this is 100% the time to do it.

On top of that, if you sign up early, you get that much more time with the video vault to study the video vault. So you will get all of the videos in the vault that includes like the mature CEO, hiring, managing, firing, the scale to sell protocol. You get all of that plus all of the coaching calls that have come from the past. So like all of the current and past coaching calls where you can get on there and you can watch people getting coached, people that are going through the same thing as you.

So the sooner you sign up, the sooner you get access to all of that for free on top of your six month mastermind time with us. Does this make sense? Okay, so if you want to be a part of the mastermind and you want the payment plan, you have to sign up before August 31^st. After August 31^st you can still sign up, but you got to do pay in full.

If you want to pay in full, you should go ahead and pay right now. You should go ahead and apply. Not everyone is going to be able to get in. I do turn people away every single round. So you have to apply to get into this advanced mastermind so that you can save your seat for Austin where we will be having the most kick ass live event, hanging out together, relaxing together, learning together, and building our businesses together. You do not want to miss this. The deadline is August 31^st.

Okay, can you guys tell that I’m feeling so much better? I’m like back to life. Oh my god. I hate being sick. It’s the worst. Ah, okay. Today, this is episode 67. We are having Melanie Childers on. So many of you already know Melanie Childers. She is such a boss ass bitch. I’m just gonna it. Boss ass bitch. A B-A-B, boss ass bitch. Babe, we’re gonna call her a babe. A bab. Maybe I can add an E to it somewhere. Boss Ass Bitch Incorporated. Oh shit that’s an I. Boss ass bitch entertainer. She’s a boss ass bitch entertainer. She is a babe. Okay.

You do not want to miss this. She’s a good friend of mine. She has a lot of insight. She knows how to build a business to a million dollars. She knows how to do the work. She knows how to put down her ego to get shit done. She knows how to go through the hard times to get where she needs to be. This is Melanie Childers. This is episode number 67. I am your host, Becca Pike, and it is time for your weekly dose of Hell Yes Coaching. Let’s go.

Hey, guys. I’m Becca Pike and welcome to The Hell Yes Entrepreneur podcast, the number one show for entrepreneurs looking to create their first six-figure year. If you’ve got the drive and you know how to hustle but you’re not sure where to channel your energy, we’ve got the answers. Let’s dive into today’s show.

Becca: Oh hello Melanie. How are you?

Melanie: I’m doing amazing. How are you?

Becca: Would you like to introduce yourself, please?

Melanie: All right. We’re just gonna dive right in. I love it. Hello, hello. I’m Melanie Childers. I’m a master certified coach, and I’m a business coach for feminist entrepreneurs. I’ve already been drinking. Cheers.

Becca: So I just got off the phone with my life coach, who by the way told me to tell you hi. It’s Megan Ladd.

Melanie: Oh my god. Hi. Oh my god.

Becca: I know. I told her. I said I’ve got a podcast with Melanie Childers right after this. She goes oh my god. Please tell her I said hi.

Melanie: Yay. Oh awesome. I love her. Hi Megan.

Becca: I was telling her. I was like listen. I was on my life coaching call, and I was drinking. I was like I have to for work because Melanie and I have a podcast right after this, and I made up a rule that we have to be at least two cocktails in before we start the podcast.

Melanie: Yep.

Becca: Our job is really hard.

Melanie: The things we do for work.

Becca: I mean it’s really something. I really hate it for us.

Melanie: Lives are hard. Look at the things we make ourselves do. It’s terrible. It’s wonderful.

Becca: I don’t know how I signed up for this or if I accidentally signed up for it or whatever, but I get this magazine called Wine Enthusiast. I think I got it whenever I just recently bought new wine glasses. I don’t know about you, but like I don’t need a lot of fancy things. But when it comes to the glassware that I’m drinking from, I really enjoy like a really good wine glass or cocktail glass, martini glass, right? Anyway, just bought new wine glasses. Somehow got looped into this magazine that comes to my house way too often. It’s called Wine Enthusiasts.

Melanie: They’re very enthusiastic.

Becca: Well, I started thinking about it and I was like anybody can call themselves an enthusiast of anything. Like you’re not a wine enthusiast. You’re a fucking alcoholic. Like let’s just call it like it is okay. Like I’m a wine enthusiast too. Aren’t we all? What do you think about that? You think we could just start… I mean like that’s good marketing right there.

Melanie: I am definitely an enthusiast of my cocktail. So I’m with you. But I love that we have that in common. I was thinking about that before we got on the call because I was like I wish I could like take my giant Mac and like show you our bar. We are obsessed with making cocktails. We are obsessed with trying shit, customizing shit. We have a ridiculous bar, and we love barware. But we only have so much space. So.

Becca: Yeah.

Melanie: We have some custom glassware. This terrible. There’s a house in town where this couple was tragically murdered many years ago. But it has always been, as far as like if you ask anybody in our town like where’s the murder house, they can point you to it. Everybody knows where the murder house is.

But their son is much, much older now. He decided he was going to have a huge estate sale and sell everything in the house and sell the house and land and all of that stuff finally. Like it just sat there for decades. I found out—

Becca: And you bought the house.

Melanie: No, but I found out like an hour before the last day of the estate sale. I was like get in the car. Just get in the car, get in the car, get in the car. We have somewhere to go. We have somewhere to be. You have to get a car right now. So we got to do a walkthrough of the murder house and buy stuff. So we bought a pair of cocktail glasses.

Becca: You have murder cocktail glasses.

Melanie: We have murder cocktail glasses.

Becca: That’s pretty fucking ballin.

Melanie: They’re wild. So we tell people all the time like hi, we made you a cocktail. P.S., the glassware is haunted.

Becca: I like to make sure that they were drinking from it when they got murdered. Does that make it cooler?

Melanie: I don’t know.

Becca: It does. 100%.

Melanie: Sure. Let’s go with that.

Becca: Yeah. 100% does. They were drinking martinis, smoking cigarettes, living their best life in 1979.

Melanie: Sad things happened.

Becca: Then the murderer came in and cut their life too short, a novel by Becca Pike.

Melanie: There you go. Well done.

Becca: So I guess we should talk about business. You know we don’t have to. We can talk about whatever we want. But you are a boss ass business owner. You have an online business that is super successful. We can glean some insight from you.

Melanie: Right, let’s insight away.

Becca: So tell us a little bit. Is the first business that you own coaching?

Melanie: No.

Becca: Okay. Tell me more.

Melanie: It kind of occurred to me that I had a business before that, but not really. Because to me it was like just fun. But many moons ago before I got breast cancer in 2011, I was running an online I guess it was on Etsy. Was it an Etsy shop? Sure. I was running an online store for custom dyed yarn. So I knit. I dyed yarn because I thought well gosh, that’s fun. That’s easy. I want to dye my own. I saw all these other people dyeing yarn and making a lot of money. I was like I know how to make color things happen. I know how to put colors together. I can figure out how to do that.

So I taught myself how to do it, and I started a little shop. It didn’t make a whole lot of money, but it paid for itself. It was fun until I decided one day that it wasn’t fun anymore. And I was like, okay. I did that for three or four years.

Becca: It is like the most obscure stuff. Like you always expect someone’s gonna be like yeah, I owned a business. I sold coffee mugs, or I was a house cleaner or just common things. But like dyed yarn. That’s not something you think about. People always wig out when I tell them that Mark and I own a scissor company. Like kitchen shears. Like cut through meat, cut through bone, like really nice kitchen shears for chefs.

They’re always like what the fuck are you talking about? Like, why kitchens? Why scissors? Like how did that even happen? I always have that question for people. Like how? There’s people out there that own the most obscure stuff. Like someone you see this headphone cord? Like someone’s career is this headphone cord, right? Like someone’s career is this little piece of the pen that hooks on to your pocket that no one actually uses for a pen pocket holder anymore.

But like my grandmother, she made a career out of painting pedometer things, like the stick tells you how fast you’re going in your car. She painted those in a factory her whole life.

Melanie: Wow.

Becca: It’s like there’s a job out there everybody.

Melanie: That’s wild. Yeah.

Becca: So you owned a business. It went well. You loved it. You got out of that in some fashion, I assume, or you’re still doing it?

Melanie: No, I realized I would not have known what to call it them. But I realized, you know, this is very labor intensive and physically intensive. This isn’t scalable enough to make money. So like even if I hired somebody to help me, it wouldn’t make enough money to make a big difference. So I was like. This is fun cool. But to do it at the scale that I would want to do it, I’m going to have to run a real company, and I’m gonna have to hire people. I’m gonna have to figure out books and give a shit about accounting.

Becca: You’re like I was made for more.

Melanie: Right. I was like I just wanted to have fun with this. I think I’ve had enough fun with it. Then yeah.

Becca: Now you’re a business coach, and you specifically coach women and feminist women or women that identify as feminists. How do you define feminism?

Melanie: Oh lord.

Becca: I believe I’m a feminist because I just am obsessed with the power that women hold. Like when I think about the strongest being on Earth, it is 100% the female right? Like I get goosebumps when I think about how just ridiculously powerful and fierce we are when we need to be, when we don’t need to be. Like just the amount of authority we hold in this world. Right?

I feel like I was meant to raise women. I feel like I was meant to like speak to women. But I feel like I’ve also been tainted by certain feminists that absolutely hate men. I hate that. Men are phenomenal humans, and I think that there is a stereotype of feminists that it’s like you’re a feminist it’s because you hate men. I know that that’s not true because now I know you, I know Maggie, and I know all of these women who identify as feminism that you guys don’t hate men. Like, that’s not the true definition.

Melanie: Right. Yeah. Well and I think that that’s a common misperception that it’s an either or proposition. That either you love women therefore you hate men, or you love men and therefore you hate women and yourself. To me the way that feminism works is like it’s not even about us versus them. It really is about I love all humans.

I have a much more humanist lens on it, and probably some people would call that intersectional. Yeah, that’s pretty much what I mean. What I mean by that is like I love all of the humans and all of their humanity in ways that seeing their lived experience at all of the intersections of where that is.

Whereas like if you are a woman, and you’re a woman of color, and you grew up in a socioeconomic situation, and maybe you have a disability of some variety, right. Like all of those things create the way that people treat you out in the world, and the way that you see yourself out in the world. To me, I feel like feminism strives to honor all the parts of everybody, and that includes men and that includes people non binary. I think that it’s so important to, to me, reframe it in a way that other people can really see like it’s not us versus them. I’m not anti-men. I love men deeply.

Becca: You love that–

Melanie: I do. I love that D. It’s a fact. I was a stripper. I’ve been married three times.

Becca: Listen, this is how you do it. This is how you break that down one podcast at a time. Right? Like one podcast at a time really helping people unlearn because that is a strong stereotype. I mean it has been ingrained in us for the last several decades, which is feminism is man hating, aggression, right? It’s like to me that has never sat well.

Like I have always felt a full embodiment of feminism. But man, do I love my men. Man, do they hold such a special place in my heart. Man, I want to raise little sons of mine, right? Like, I love my husband. I love his brothers, his father. Like men are so special, and women are badass.

Melanie: Yeah. To me, the yes and is what underlies feminism. It’s like this exists and. That exists and. These two things can exist together in harmony. Because to me like initially it was about equality. Like women deserve equal pay. Women deserve to be considered in the workplace, to be hired at the same rate, to be paid at the same rate. Yes, that is true, but that is just the beginning.

I think some people get so confused about this because they think that like if women or people who are not straight white men have more then there will be less for straight white men. That is just not true. The more we all have, the more we all have. This is not a pie in which if I have more, you have less. It’s like a mountain. If there’s more for me, there’s more for everybody. There’s more for you. There’s more for everybody. There’s more for all of us. There’s more for all of us. This is a good thing.

Becca: Or if it is a pie. We’re in a pie factory in which more pies are being made every half of a second at rapid speed, and there’s enough for everyone at all times. Yeah.

Melanie: 100%.

Becca: I completely agree. It’s like if the pie is gone, we make more pie. There’s so many resources for everyone.

Melanie: Then there’s so much pie.

Becca: What kind of pie is it do you think?

Melanie: To me, it has to be a cherry pie.

Becca: I’m like more of a pecan pie kind of girl.

Melanie: Are you?

Becca: Oh, yeah.

Melanie: Like coming back to sorry, this just popped into my brain. Coming back to like your love of men and our shared love of men is that patriarchy fucks with men too.

Becca: Oh, 100%. I’m watching it as I’m raising my son. Yeah.

Melanie: Yeah, there’s all of these ways in which they are supposed to be in order to be good enough or to be a man. It’s all completely fucked up. So like if you are a feminist, you’re fighting for the souls of the men in your life too and their freedom too. It isn’t about having more or having less. Like I said like equality is like just scratching the surface. Like we are untangling and unfucking all the things that we have thought, all of the stories that we have bought into that fuck with everybody.

Becca: Yeah, and it’s so deep. Like even to this day, I’m like mid-30s. I feel like I’ve lived 1,000 lives. I swear. I feel like I’m 120 years old. Like I was 33 back when I was 12. Still it has taken me this long. I still find myself having these built in thoughts that just have never resurfaced. I’ve never re-questioned. I’m like wait a minute. I don’t think that’s my thought. I know that that’s a societal pressure that I just witnessed come up, and like I had never questioned again.

Like, re-questioning everything that I’m supposed to do, I’m supposed to be, the way I’m supposed to look, like how I’m supposed to speak, how I’m supposed to dress, like how my kids are supposed to dress. Like to stop and question every single thing in your life is the most important work we can do. Like, is this me or is this some bullshit society told me I should be? I don’t know. Because we’re supposed to be a certain way because of media, because of newspapers, because of TV, right?

Melanie: 100%. I think like that, to me, is the value of like the work that you and I and people like us are doing out in the world is like we’re questioning all the rules of the way that business is “supposed” to run.

Becca: Yeah.

Melanie: Figuring out how to do it a slightly different way.

Becca: I am like in this weird stage in my business where I am like you know what I would call this? I want to call it my midlife crisis, but that sounds too negative. It’s more like my Renaissance. That’s what I want to call it.

I’m in this like Renaissance period where I’m like wait a minute. A lot of the things I used to believe I no longer believe, and I’m finding evidence for what I no longer believe. But I’m having all of these new ideas where like I have seeked out mentorship that has felt one way. I’m realizing how strongly I took it and how it was such a sliver of what could possibly be true.

Melanie: Oh my god. Yes.

Becca: It’s hard to explain without going into too much detail. But now I’m finding all of this other evidence of how that’s just a sliver of the truth. There’s actually all this other fuckin pie over here that I could eat and not feel bad about it, not feel weird about it, like not make it mean anything. It’s like I feel like I am at the precipice. I feel like I’m not even on a podcast. It’s just me and you talking right now. This isn’t gonna go out to like thousands of people.

But I feel like I’m at this precipice of things really exploding. Like you and I both have had a lot of growth in our business. But like I feel like I’m on the precipice of things really exploding because I am just now unwiring a lot of the shit that I chose to believe and chose to bring in and chose to want. I’m seeing how vast the business world can be.

Melanie: Oh my god. Let me just tell you hallelujah, amen, and I’m right there with you. I’ve been calling mine like a spiritual awakening. I’m not spiritual. I was raised in the Southern Baptist Church. I rejected that a long time ago and became an atheist. That’s where I’m like this is kind of a spiritual awakening. I feel like I’m really like coming back to myself.

I think what exists out there for a lot of people in the business coaching world is a like one right way of thinking. Whether it’s you need this Instagram strategy, and this thing, and this thing, and then this thing, and this is the way to go. Like that just tends to be the way that those things are first sold. I love that we’re both kind of having the same experience at the same time. Possibly for similar reasons or not.

But like when you take your eyes, like I think it’s valuable to when you like work with someone to go all in on that way of working to figure out how could I make this work for myself? I also think it’s really valuable to pull your vision out and say wait a minute, what other opportunities exist? What are all the thousands of different ways that you can run a business?

That’s what’s on my whiteboard is me completely burning down everything that I’ve been doing, and really looking at like what are the pieces of my business? If there’s a funnel, what is the funnel? What do I want it to be? Where do I want it to go? What are all of the pieces? What are all of the possible ways to work with me? I don’t care if all of it is “unscalable”. If it is, great. If it’s not, I don’t care. What feels like the business I want to run the way I want running.

Becca: I love asking myself like what would I be doing if money didn’t exist? Like if it wasn’t for the money, it’s not for like the amount of clients, it’s just like genuinely like if I genuinely want to help people grow their business. Like I feel like I have all of this knowledge, especially from growing Massage Strong, but also now like from growing an online company.

Like I felt like such a baby in the online space. I did not understand any of it. I didn’t understand. I just felt like such a little baby, and really didn’t understand my way in the online space at all. I’ve come so far now. To be able to be like okay, I can actually genuinely teach people what I’ve done to create what I have in the online space, right?

It’s like what would I be doing if it wasn’t the money? Like if I was just guaranteed money no matter what, and I wasn’t doing it for the profit. I’m not doing it for the income. I’m genuinely doing it like hey, I’ve got a lot to offer to the brick and mortar world. I’ve got a lot to offer to the online space. What do you want to do Becca? Like what do you see yourself doing on a day to day?

It’s like that answer is so different than the answer of how can I get a quick hit of money? How can I get a quick hit of profit? Like how can I hit my goals this year, right? Like that doesn’t feel good. That doesn’t feel good to anybody. Nobody likes to brainstorm from that place. Everybody wants to brainstorm from like what feels really amazing and what feels great?

Melanie: 100%. I run a group called the Bad Bitch Mastermind. The way that we talk about reaching goals is like you’re gonna like have that in your mind if that’s useful to you, and then set it aside. Almost like you could put it on a shelf in your office. Then I want you to come back and think about what is the experience I want to have along the way.

We treat it as like a hike. I use a hiking metaphor. It’s like okay, you got all the things you need. You got all your gear. I’m your guide to get you from this point to the other side of the mountain range. There’s like five different ways to go. Here’s the slightly easier way. Here’s the slightly harder way. Here’s where we’re going to get to.

That’s our goal. That’s where we’re trying to get to, but what is the experience that you want to have? Do you want to be present the whole way? Do you want to be like wow, those clouds? Wow, look at those trees, and find the pleasure and the fun. Or do you want to like hoof it all the way there as hard as you can go? Chances are good you’re gonna burn out if you do that. Maybe we can do that sometimes.

Becca: Yeah, that was me in my 20s. In my 20s I as like let’s hoof it.

Melanie: Yeah. Oh, yeah. I’m 45 y’all. I ain’t hoofing it anymore.

Becca: Yeah.

Melanie: I hoof it in real life, but like on a bike. But even then like 20 minutes tops. I’m not doing that all fucking day.

Becca: I hoof it in air conditioning.

Melanie: In air conditioning. Yes.

Becca: With a fan blowing on me.

Melanie: Exactly.

Becca: Someone’s feeding me grapes. All right, let me ask you this. What do you think is the biggest hurdle that entrepreneurs have to jump over making it from zero to their very first six figures? Like zero to the $100,000 mark? What’s the biggest like thought problem or struggle? What do you see?

Melanie: I see many things that people struggle with, but I think the biggest is really believing until they get there. Like believing that it’s possible for them and that they can do it if they just don’t quit.

Becca: Yeah.

Melanie: But I don’t mean overwork yourself and work nights and weekends until you get there. I do mean like trust. Believe that it’s going to happen. Keep asking yourself every morning what will help me get where I want to go today? How do I want to go there?

Becca: Right. Yeah, I agree. What do you think is the biggest hurdle that people go through when they’re going from $100,000 to multiple six figures?

Melanie: I think for most people it’s that they think that once they’ve crossed the six figure line that like now it’s easy.

Becca: Like I’ve made it.

Melanie: I’ve made it. I’m good. I know exactly what to do to keep going. There’s an element of that that’s true, for sure. There’s also an element of okay, if I wanted to double that, they think they have to double their work because it took a lot of work to get to that first $100k. They’re like oh my god. I’ve made it. I won’t have to work so hard. Or oh god, I’ve made it and now I have to work twice as hard if I want to make twice as much.

To me, the reality is that you just didn’t know what it was going to take to make that first $100k, and you’re going to do it faster again. That hard is going to look different. What used to be hard actually feels easy now. You will have a whole new layer of complexity or hoops to jump through to get to the next thing.

Becca: Yeah, completely agree. I feel like the first $100,000 is understanding that there is an abundance of people. So like the students that I work with. If they’re in their first $100,000, they have all their eggs in one basket. Like they’ve got like 15/20/30 clients, and those 30 clients hold everything. If one of them cancels, then that’s like a dip in their income. If one of them like leaves, that’s a problem, right? They truly believe that there’s not that many people outside of those 30 people, right? Like, they put so much emphasis on such a sliver of their audience, right.

Once you get past that six figures, I think a lot of people are like oh there’s actually an abundance of people. There’s thousands and thousands and thousands of people that want to work with me. But by then I don’t think that they understand how to create a proper brand. So they get into this like hamster wheel situation where they’re like every single post needs to make money. Every single email needs to make money.

They don’t know how to like broaden out and think of it in a bigger picture. Like to be able to be like okay. I’m creating something bigger than myself. I’m creating something bigger than me. I’m creating an entire brand that when I am on vacation for two weeks, I’m still making money. I’m not just making money on one post. I’m not just making money on one sale or one promo that I’m doing. I can actually step away because the brand has been created. Right. The vibe is already there. But yeah, I completely, completely agree with what you said.

Melanie: You just set it up more elegantly. I love that.

Becca: It’s so true.

Melanie: Yeah, I think that was definitely my experience. Like that first $100k I was like holding on to anybody and everybody who was like yay, I want to work with you. Thinking like okay well if they go away, I’m so fucked. It was so hard to sign them.

Becca: When you’re in that space, you’re so much more willing to like lessen your boundaries. You’re so much more willing to accommodate the shit, the bullshit. You’re so much more willing to put your face out there to take a beating because you’re like oh these are my only clients. I’ve got to do whatever they need, right?

Now it’s like we can just look back and be like no girl. Put up your boundaries. They’re gonna respect you more anyway. On top of that like there’s so many more people if they decide to leave.

Melanie: Yeah. I think for me it was always like the so many more people are so much harder. I’ll have to do so much more work. When the truth was like, I was way over working for my clients that year trying to prove myself to myself. Yeah. That I was good enough.

Becca: Yeah.

Melanie: That this is where they should be working with me. It was all like out of fear of like well what if they leave? Well, what if they don’t come back? Well, then that’s it. I’m fucked. Versus like once you get over $100k/$200k, it’s like oh. It’s almost like your vision broadens out. You’re able to see like wait a minute.

Becca: It’s so hindsight. Yeah, it’s like hindsight is 20/20. It’s almost like you can’t really embody that lesson until you get to a certain, I don’t know. Let’s just say it’s like $200k. You get to $200k-ish, and then you’re like oh like I could have had boundaries back then. I could have put my foot down. I could have let those clients go. I could have fired those clients. I could have allowed them to just leave and just brought in more people, but you just don’t know it. You don’t see it until you’re really at a more up leveled place. You’re in a more abundant place.

Unfortunately, for a lot of business owners, it requires getting to a certain number or getting certain to a certain amount of customers before they realize that customers continue to rotate in. They continue to find you, to continue to need your service.

Melanie: When we’re so focused on just the people right in front of us, it is very difficult to do.

Becca: Yeah, I completely agree. A lot of people don’t have the trust that there are so many people this close to buying from them, right? Like if you guys have ever, I’m talking to the whole audience now. Like if you guys have ever been in a situation where someone just buys all of a sudden from you. Someone that you didn’t know. Someone that just like randomly popped in and bought your program or your service or they signed up for a consult.

You get on the phone with them and they’re like, “Yeah, I’ve been following you for like three years.” It’s like what? That’s not a surprise. It shouldn’t be a surprise, right? Like people are always on the cusp of buying from you. When we really learn to embody that, are you pouring in Jim Beam right now? What are you doing?

Melanie: I am pouring Mezcal right now.

Becca: Is that from Cabo?

Melanie: It is. I got like five bottles.

Becca: I have that bottle. Did you? That is so funny. I still have that bottle in my bar right now.

Melanie: I love it. I’m obsessed with it.

Becca: I couldn’t see it at all. I could only see the very tippy top. I thought it was Jim Beam. I was so wrong.

Melanie: Mezcal.

Becca: What are you putting it in?

Melanie: Dr. Pepper.

Becca: Stop it. In your Dr. Pepper?

Melanie: It’s an offense to my Mezcal, but it’s delicious. I usually drink it straight. I’m that girl.

Becca: No, yeah. I get it. When I first met Mark I was dating him, and I was really into drinking bourbon neat. So I would get high end bourbon, drink it straight. It needed to be room temperature. If you put an ice cube in it, you’re a fucktard. So I would talk to Mark, and he would pour a nice ass bourbon and pour coke in it. I mean it almost ended right there. It almost ended.

Melanie: That’s a divorceable offense.

Becca: Also, this is hilarious because Mark is super in shape now. If you follow me on Instagram, you can see his abs from a mile away. He’s like super fit. But when I first met him, I was into fitness competitions. I was doing the whole six meals a day, getting onstage, figure competitions. I was training like two times a day. I was like super ripped.

When I met him, he wasn’t into fitness. It was a really big part of my life. I remember telling him I was like we were on our first date. I was like so do you work out? Do you lift weights? He was like, “Yeah, I work out.” He was like, “Yeah, yeah. I rollerblade.” I was like this is it. This is over. We’re gonna have to end this now. But then he was so cute and so sexy, and he won me over. So here we are. Now later, we’re 10 years later, and he’s like way fitter than I will ever be in my life. So that’s marriage.

Melanie: I just love that we have this in common because back in, I think it’s 2003/2004, I was working on going to stage in a figure competition. I ended up getting sick and like—

Becca: I didn’t know that. That’s awesome.

Melanie: But yeah, like I had a love hate relationship with it.

Becca: It’s a terrible sport.

Melanie: It’s a terrible sport. It really, really fucked up my relationship with food and working out. I’ve spent the last like two years trying to unwind all of that. But damn, I looked good.

Becca: Yeah, I swear there was like a time where I was doing figure competitions, and I was with there was like five or six girls that I really hung out with. They were also doing the shows with me. I think that I came out of it first. I don’t know why. But there’s still a few of those five or six girls that are still—Like we ended all at around the same time, and they still don’t have a relationship with food. They still can’t look at themselves in the mirror. They still have a horrible negative self-talk. Like it embodied eating disorders through and through.

Melanie: Oh yeah.

Becca: You got to weigh out every single ounce of protein. You need to weigh out every single ounce of water that you’re drinking. You need to know exactly what’s going on in your body. You need to say no to all social events. Like it is the most lonely sport imaginable. Yes, you look good, but you feel like absolute shit.

Melanie: Yeah, the relationship I had with myself then was so abusive. It was so mean.

Becca: Yes. Yes. I’m not speaking for everybody. I guarantee that there’s figure competitors out there that have learned how to balance the life with it. Like I was a total amateur. So I don’t speak for everybody in it. But it was a really terrible time for me.

Melanie: Me too. Yeah, it was really hard. I’m not really that person, but I thought I could be super like strict with myself. But the way that I went about it was so painful and so abusive that like for years after I was like there will be no meal plans. There will be no diets. There will be no working out. If the only way is to push myself super hard and lift super heavy, I don’t want to do it.

Becca: Yeah. Which is interesting because in my figure competition days, I looked fantastic. But about eight years later, I hit my prime without all of the bullshit. I hit my leanest, most beautiful physique, most muscular, like shredded body. I was doing it through like living my best life. This was probably about three years ago. It was like right before I had Cedar.

I was lifting really heavy. I was eating really clean, but I was living the life. I also was still drinking. I was still going out with my friends. I was still like a normal human, but I looked even better than I did in my figure competition days when I was absolutely killing myself. So it’s doable. Like it’s totally doable to do it in a way that feels was good and feels authentic to your lifestyle?

Melanie: Totally. Yeah. That’s what I’m learning now, but it’s taken me a long time to unfuck all of that.

Becca: Yes.

Melanie: Yeah. I don’t know why we got down on that tangent, but it’s relevant I’m sure.

Becca: No, that’s a good one. I didn’t know that you did figure compositions.

Melanie: Yeah.

Becca: Or that you trained.

Melanie: Yeah. I think like what I’ve learned from that experience was that the way that we think about one thing is kind of similar to the way that we think about lots of things. So all of the work that I’ve done with my health coaches, weight loss coaches is very similar to the work that has to be done in my business. Because so much of the way that I would treat myself and my business was just sit down, just do what you’re supposed to do, just check the boxes, just get all the things done, and then you can go have fun.

That was the equivalent in like the weight loss figure competition world of like you know the plan, just stick to the plan, just eat the boiled chicken and the broccoli, and don’t complain, and go work out. Then once this is over then you can binge on all the gummy bears you want. Then you can have all the chocolate chips you want. It was like sucking all the joy out of my journey to the stage and sucking all of my joy out of weight loss thereafter anytime I would try it. Like I would stick to a plan for like one day and be like nope rules. Fuck ‘em. Not doing that.

I would bring that exact mindset in my business. So when we talk about like the way that you think about your business, these are the kinds of things you want to be looking for. Like am I being a good leader to myself, or am I being an asshole? Am I trying to make myself stay here because the corporate culture says you’re supposed to be at your desk from nine to five, or do I want to be having fun?

Becca: This is such a good, I’m so glad that you correlated these two because when I would do my finger competitions literally like after the competition, we would gain 25 to 30 pounds within 48 hours. Because we were so water depleted, so carb depleted. We were skeletons with muscles, right? We would wake up 30 pounds heavier two days later, exhausted, sick, and feeling sad.

It was because we trained for one hour of one day. It wasn’t just one day. Like you had to peak. You had to understand how to peak within that hour. So everything that you did was for that hour that you were on stage. Like two hours before you were dehydrating, three hours before you were dehydrating, four hours before you were increasing your sodium so that you would look more vascular, six hours before you were doing your last cardio hit. Like there was a regimen so that you could peak during that one hour.

I see a lot of business owners who will do the same thing. They’re like I’m gonna peak at this launch. I’m gonna do this launch. If this launch creates a certain amount of money, then I’m gonna feel better about myself, right? Then what happens is they do the launch, whether they do great or not great, it doesn’t matter. They wake up the next day feeling sad, and they don’t know why. They’re like that was a fantastic launch. Why do I feel sad? Or that wasn’t a fantastic launch, why do I feel sad? Right? It’s because you’re training for that one day. It’s almost like what they call wedding blues. Have you heard about this?

Melanie: Oh, yeah. I’ve been married three times.

Becca: Where you spend a whole year like preparing for this one event. Then when it’s over a lot of these brides are having a hard time knowing their place. They’re like I’ve spent my entire year like training for this wedding and planning it and perfecting it. Now it’s over who am I? What’s my identity?

It’s like that’s why it’s so important to create a brand and to create something that is so much bigger than you because when your launch is over, you still have to wake up regardless of how much money you’ve made. You still have to wake up. You still have to be willing to connect yourself to something that is bigger than you. If the biggest thing in your life is your lunch, you’re not going to be happy. When you wake up no matter how much money you make.

Melanie: When the party’s over, somebody still got to clean up a mess. Sometimes that mess is you because that’s all you’ve been focused on.

Becca: Most people, yes, what they do is they wake up, they feel sad, and they’re like I need another hit of dopamine. Let me do another launch. I’m just gonna do another thing. I’m just gonna offer another thing and then that’ll bring in money and then I’ll feel really good for about three hours until I wake up the next morning. It’s like that’s why you can’t be in business for the money. You have to be in business to actually want to do what you want to do and give the message that you want to give.

Melanie: Yeah. I think that it’s so valuable and important to be able to disconnect from the dopamine hit of the sale. Because that’s what we’re talking about here is like okay, I’m going after that one thing, and that’s all I’m focusing on. I need to hit that number, and I want to hit that number. Yay, I did it. Then you crash and burn.

So of course, the next day, your brain is like okay, how do I get my next hit? How do I get my next hit? When you can fully like disengage from the dopamine hit making money, then you can really start to become like a sustainable business owner and sustainable business that becomes bigger than you.

Becca: If you want a dopamine hit, just get hooked on drugs. I mean what—

Melanie: Or drink with us.

Becca: We’ll go straight to the target. You’re the best Melanie.

Melanie: You’re the best. This has been so fun.

Becca: Before we go, I must talk about your tattoos. Are you getting anymore?

Melanie: I am. I actually have a full sleeve planned for my left arm. Like it’ll be probably a lot like yours.

Becca: Yes.

Melanie: Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of work with this is gonna sound really out there but spirit guides.

Becca: I thought you said you weren’t spiritual.

Melanie: I know. I’m not religious. I’m spiritual.

Becca: Okay.

Melanie: But Lilith is one of my spirit guides. She was the first woman who refused to be subdued, subject to the will of man, and said nope, we were created at the same time. I’m your equal. I either get treated equally, or I’m the fuck out. She left and was literally demonized by all of the churches and called a demon. So I am looking at Lilith tattoos and snakes and roses and jaguars. So yeah. My whole left arm.

Right now I just have a giant rose. Then I have an owl on my forearm and an arrow on the other side of my forearm. But all of that is going to get filled up with like the jungle and some snakes and probably some of my mom’s favorite flowers because love her. Yeah.

Becca: That’ll be tight.

Melanie: But I have 10 right now. The last ones that I got, can we talk about boobs here?

Becca: Are you kidding?

Melanie: Awesome. So I’m a breast cancer survivor, and I have implants. So the first thing that they do is they like remove–

Becca: Titties.

Melanie: All your breast tissue. Then if you want them you can get implants. So I got implants, and they take your nipples to, which I did not know until I was in it. I was like oh technically that’s breast tissue. Okay, that makes sense.

Becca: You didn’t know like until you woke up and you had no nipples?

Melanie: No, I knew, but I didn’t know until I got cancer. They were like oh yeah, we have to take the whole thing. I was like that too? I can’t keep that? They were like no, but even if you did you wouldn’t feel it. So yeah. I have 3D nipple tattoos.

Becca: Oh really?

Melanie: Yeah, they look really? Yeah, they look real until you turn like side profile, and then you’re like oh it’s still flat.

Becca: When we stop recording, can I see them?

Melanie: Absolutely.

Becca: Can I really?

Melanie: Yeah, 100%.

Becca: I would love to see your nipples. Love to see what tattooed nipples look like. I love that you’re a breast cancer survivor. High five on that. How long have you been cancer free?

Melanie: 10 years, 10 years this year.

Becca: That’s what’s up. I love that. Yeah. Yeah, I’m getting ready to do more tattoos. I always do my tattoos in the fall and the winter because sunlight and lakes. You can’t put your tattoos in sunlight and lakes. I’ve always done these really big tattoos like that take excessive amounts of time. I want a bunch of randos. I want some randoms. So I’m gonna go in and get a bunch of randos now.

I let my kids well I let my kids pick out whatever they want. I was like whatever you want me to get, I’m gonna get it on my body. You choose what you want. I will find the drawing. So like let’s say that they picked a fox. They can’t go out and pick a shitty fox. Like I’m going to pick the fox. Right? So.

Melanie: You give me the idea, I pick the art. Yes.

Becca: Yeah. You give me the idea. I’m picking the art. So for my husband, I’m gonna get a lyric of our one of our wedding songs. So on my forearm it’s gonna say “so show me family” from the Lumineers. Then my 13 year old wants me to get a book. I’m gonna get a book. My nine year old wants me to get a wolf. I’m gonna get a wolf.

My four year old, my youngest, wants me to get a heart. So that was easy. I’m gonna get that on my hand. Then I’m still working on my seven year old because she really wants me to get two panda bears hugging, and I’m like listen, you’re gonna have to come up with something better than that.

Melanie: That’s a meme. Can we not?

Becca: Yeah, like if it comes down to it, I’m gonna get to panda bears hugging. I also really want to get an astronaut. I just want to get some randoms. So that’s what we’re doing.

Melanie: I’m so obsessed. I can’t wait to see them.

Becca: Yeah.

Melanie: I love getting random tattoos. It’s like today we’re going in. We’re getting some ink done, right now. What do you want? I don’t know. That looks good.

Becca: Yeah, I want that. I haven’t had any of that. The only random tattoo that I have is my husband and I once went out and got coffee mugs together. So I have a coffee mug. He has a coffee mug.

Melanie: We have a shared love of coffee, and he doesn’t have any tattoos so. He’s also a Mark, which I love too.

Becca: Oh, that’s fun.

Melanie: Yeah, we will just get coffee mugs. That would be really cute.

Becca: That would be cute. You guys should totally do that. Okay, can you tell my audience where they can find you if they want to work with you or learn from you?

Melanie: Abso-fucking-lutely. I am at melaniechilders.com is my website. I have a freebie for you, Consensual Sales Conversations. If you go sign up for my email list on there, you can grab that powerful A-F 30 page how to have consensual sales conversations so that your people are a fuck yes, as you go, or hell yes. Right.

Becca: Hell yes.

Melanie: I’m also on Instagram @MelanieChildersCoaching. All of my links are on there as well.

Becca: All right, I love it. Melanie, thank you so much for being on the podcast. This has been the best. Also tomorrow is my kids first day of school. So what kind of mother gets drunk right before the first day of school? I’m going to have to sober up and get their asses on the bus and figure it out. Okay, goodbye.

Melanie: Bye.

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