Did you know a massive percentage of people (especially women) have never been asked the simple question “how much money do you want to make?” We aren’t approaching our kids and teenagers (or for that matter, grown women and men) and asking them how much money they strive to create in their careers. This is one of our first questions with our business coaching clients.
Some of my clients are 40 years old and no one has ever asked them this question! WTF, people!? If no one is asking this question, and it’s ‘taboo’ to discuss our salaries out loud, then how the hell can we teach our youth what to strive toward and how will we know what to strive toward ourselves?
We need to take away the shame, taboo, and the guilt about money-talk. If we don’t know how much money others are making, how will we know what amount to even negotiate for a job? How will we know how to set goals? This is the one time comparison can be healthy. This is the time comparison breeds a new level of education for ourselves so the tools in our toolbelt can be sharpened.
We must mute the shame that has been instilled in us about discussing our income, and break free of what we have decided is “appropriate” income for ourselves. I have been personally called and thanked recently for discussing actual, real, tangible, numbers. A friend said, “you have inspired me because no one has ever been vulnerable and honest enough to show me the raw statistics of what I could be making as a mom of multiples. Or as a young woman in my 30s, until I read what you make.”
I have openly discussed my income. I have openly discussed my goals. I do this with a purpose. I do this with the hunger to increase awareness to the people around me and especially the women, the moms of small children, and the daughters of our generation.
Every time I hit a goal, I feel that I am even more capable to meet larger goals. It is hardest for people to reach that 6-figure mark in their income. Because getting to six figures requires a lot of getting rid of the baggage, the excuses, the limiting beliefs around money and time and worth, and the complete crock of bullshit that says ‘money is bad.’ But once they get to 6 figures, all of a sudden doubling it can be reached almost immediately, because all the mental baggage is removed.
I recently asked a client how much money she wanted to make and she instantly became quiet and deep in thought. I could practically hear her wheels turning. She finally was able to speak, but could just tell me how much money her husband makes and how much money he wants to make. (Holy Fack, what a wake up call she had!) Unfortunately, no one had ever asked her nor had she thought about it for herself.
I think it would be a lot easier if people stopped passive-aggressively talking and ‘not talking’ about money at the same time. I know so many people that flaunt their brand names and luxury lifestyle but are swimming in debt and drowning in a low income and image- driven self esteem. Then, opposite are people who make millions but are extremely minimalistic. Neither one is right nor wrong. But I must argue that neither one helps anyone out without transparency, and the fog of what is affordable and what lifestyle is permitted with each career becomes even less clear.
So, on that note, let’s discuss income. I will go first because, hey, I’m the only one here. I like to look at my income in increments of 30 days. It’s easier to understand in the entrepreneurial world of ever-changing income. Three years ago, I made about $1,800 per month. (What up, Ramen Nooooooodles in da house! Shout out to the days I scavenged my console for quarters at the gas pump, you are not missed!)
In January of this year, I made about 10k per month. I decided to start getting coached on the mindset of money, and take a peak into all my hang ups around finances.) I, then, set an outlandish, insane goal for myself that by December of 2019 I would be making 21k/month. I could not for the life of me, see how that would ever be possible, but I put my head down and marched on.
In May of this year (7 months early,) I made $21,000 in 30 days between coaching and massage. (Okay, it was actually $20,867 but I am counting it, dammit.) Reaching this goal pushed me into a new goal of $40,000 per month. (What!!) So, there. I have laid it out there. I have officially stood pantsless infront of all my peers for you all to see. Shew, what a scary thrill, to talk about something so taboo. Just because I am rooting for transparency, doesn’t mean I am not human.
So, when do we decide if discussing income is boasting and bragging versus educational? The biggest difference? People that boast and brag want their peers to feel envious. My personal goal here is opposite, but instead to lift others up and increase their potential. I deeply and GENUINELY have this fire burning determination to show other people their potential because my life did a complete 180 when someone showed me mine.
I’ve hardly ever used the word “million” in my life in a way that was actually realistic. But now I do. I will make a million dollars one day. I am open about this statement. I want others to hear it. I want them to adopt it. I want them to question their own potential.
Your potential to increase your income is going to be there whether you act on it or not. Read that sentence again.
So, not acting on it and continually under-earning, is not a generous acts of service to others. You are not being kind by staying broke. Just like you are not being rude by making money. You, as a human, receiving more money into your wallet does not take money out of other people’s wallet. Period. No matter what your parents’ taught your or society taught you. I think people genuinely believe that if they make more money they are literally giving other people less opportunity to make more money and it is the exact opposite. By having money, I am providing several jobs in my community. I am donating money, and putting money back into my local businesses. I am seeing more of my mom who lives far away and bettering her life. I am bettering my dads life. I am bettering my children’s life and my own. My marriage is richer, deeper and more cultured. I am able to give better gifts, so start inviting me to more parties, already.
People have been unconsciously programmed that striving for money or having financial goals is a materialistic view in life. They don’t realize that you can have the best of both worlds. You can be driven for money and also driven for good in the world. I think society and media tell us that people who are wealthy are ‘bad people’ or extremely ‘busy people’ that ignore their families. Money doesn’t make people bad. It doesn’t make people good. It is just paper. Just like grass doesn’t make people bad or good. Money only gives you more opportunities, period. So, if you’re a shitty person, you have more opportunities to be shitty when you have money, and vice versa. Not all people with money are bad and not all people without money are good. There is zero correlation, despite what you have been taught.
I had to force myself through several coaching sessions before I finally let go of a belief that wasn’t serving me. It took me about 4 coaching sessions to realize that I can have a lot of money and be a good mother. In my mind, I had separated the two and decided somewhere along the road of life that super successful, rich women did not have time for their children and nannies raised them. I also believed that once reaching a certain amount of income, I would automatically turn into a materialistic person and I didn’t realize that MONEY ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE ME. WITH OR WITHOUT MONEY, I AM STILL ME. I could be wealthy and minimalistic. Or wealthy and humble. Or wealthy and positively impactful. I just honestly wasn’t exposed to people with money as a child, therefore I am re-wiring as an adult.
I know whole-heartedly that I will get backlash about this blog. I know that there are going to be people that call me rude for talking about money. Or bragging. But I encourage everyone to try removing all the walls you have built around financial discussions. I encourage you to normalize our discussions about salaries so that we can help others see what they want to strive for. I stand here and I challenge you greatly to start discussing what is possible when it comes to income and removing that piece of your brain that tells you that we are not ‘supposed’ to discuss this. It is not helping the world when we stay small and private. Educating people openly and with large movements is what drastically slows racism, sexism, gender hate, bullying, wars.
What if discussing your income impacted just one person, the way it did for me when a woman told me her income a few years ago. I still remember like it was yesterday. She made roughly 100,000 and at the time, to me that seemed unfathomable. I decided I wanted to make 100,000 and as soon as that door opened in my mind, six figures came following right behind.
I am not here to say that your money goals aren’t big enough, and I’m not here to say that everyone should be making millions of dollars or wanting to be making millions of dollars. This is not a discussion on goal setting.
A lot of people will say “I don’t think that much about money” or “it doesn’t drive me that much because other things are important like family and church,” as if they have to choose. As if saying you can either be driven by your financial goals or you can be active in the church. Either you can be driven in your community and in your home life and be a great spouse or you can have financial goals. ‘They will say money isn’t everything. Some of the best things in life are free.’ And yes I agree that I love a good sunset but I damn sure would like myself and my kids and spouse to see a good sunset from every continent on this Earth. I want to increase my quality of life as a duty. It is absolutely my duty to do this as I am raised in such a privileged era. And I know for certain that I don’t have to choose whether or not I am money driven or spiritually driven or community driven or family driven. And we know that we have to have money to pay our bills, and it’s a stressor in our life and we think about it daily. So, don’t be the person that pretends money doesn’t mean much to you or that you’re fully happy without it at all.
I can be the best version of myself possible when I have the means to give as much as I want to give. I feel sometimes that I am busting at the seams to allow people to have as much of an awakening as I feel like I have had in the last few years and one of the best ways that I can do that is to make as much money as possible so that I can reach as many people as possible, and I dare you to do the same.
I encourage you to set a goal. Set an outlandish goal. And let the crazy thoughts come to surface. All of a sudden you will feel all of your insecurities and all of your old programming that someone else has taught you about money and all of your excuses will be lit on fire and screaming at you.
“If I make more money, that means I will be working all the time.”
“I can’t make that kind of money, I have small kids at home.”
“I can’t make that kind of money, I only have a high school diploma,” your brain may say.
I encourage you to sit with this in stillness and to listen and see what it says. Dissect it. Look at your excuses with a NO BS outlook. Decide if you’re driven by others’ opinions.
Guys, I believe in myself on a scale 1,000 times stronger than the opinions of anyone that walks up to me and tells me that I’m dreaming too big. (it took me a lot of coaching to get to this point, by the way.) But, when someone says that my blogs are silly, or my coaching business is ridiculous, or my goals are too big, or I am being rude…it literally rolls off me like rain on a windshield. I have put in the work. I have found my worth, and I have chosen to continue leveling up to my potential. I dare you to do the same.