We hear this term a lot when it comes to relationships, finances, diet. But, have we dug deeper and asked ourselves why this is something we do, what the hell it means and who has fallen victim to this?
Let’s look at some real life examples:
Annie comes to the realization that shes living in a body that doesnt feel, look, or function how she wants it to. She changes course and feeds her body very healthy foods for a couple weeks. She cuts sugar and refined carbs. She feeds herself more vegetables and water and exercises as often as she can and wants. She begins losing weight and feels better than she ever has before, but right before hitting her goal weight, she begins slowly feeding her body the poisonous sugary pastries again, sneaks off to the Coke machine on her lunch breaks, making excuses about why she will never have the body she wwants. Dammit, Annie, we were rooting for you.
Across town, David is telling his friend how badly he desires a wife, a partner in crime, someone to share his life with. A few weeks later, he meets Tiffany at the local coffee shop, who is a total babe and intelligent AF, loyal and honest. David takes her on a few dates, realizes how amazing she is, but finds himself pushing her away, not answering her calls, or maybe even pulls something as wild as actually being mean to her or taking other girls on dates in hopes of pushing her away.
On the other side of town, David’s brother, Alex, wants to have 10k in the bank but every time he reaches 9k, he blows a few grand. Hes been doing this on repeat for a decade.
Are all these people self-sabotaging? You could call it that. Or you could simply question their ability to *have.* We all have certain capabilities to “have.” And what I mean by that is your ability to ‘sit with’ and ‘be with’ the things you desire. Your ability to create the wealth you want without blowing it. Your ability to have the body you want without blowing it. And guys, it comes down to one thing: self worth.
Let’s look at relationships: if you were raised to see (the only two people who showed you what love is ‘supposed’ to look like) your mom and dad arguing often, your dad treating your mom poorly or vice versa, then your “little kid brain” made a decision that this is what love looks like, with no other options. Unfortunately, most adults haven’t reevaluated what their kid-brains told them, and now they’re 35 year old adults walking around with the beliefs of a seven year old. If your new relationship as an adult doesn’t include crying, fighting, and cheating like the blueprint you created as a child, then there’s a chance your idea of your new relationship is skewed. Your brain may tell you that you’re not allowed to have this type of relationship or even more common that this type of relationship doesn’t actually exist or can’t be real, leading you to believe you should end it now before it goes too far.
There are so many people out there with very skewed ideas of relationships. And please guys, never feel I am preaching at you. You’re reading the words of the Queen of fuckedup-ness and self sabotage in my past. The deep rooted desire for me to share these self development ideas is because I, too, am working myself out of these ditches I created. You’re talking to the girl that said “thank you” to her husband the first 15 times he told her he loved her. The girl that used to quietly wait to be cheated on, because there was “no way” this relationship could be real or that I was worthy of it.
Fortunately, these thoughts pushed me towards diving deeper into my beliefs and my self worth. It’s been a long journey, but it started with shifting the way I talked to myself. I began using verbiage that only a worthy-of-everything-person would use. I stopped allowing people and experiences into my life that aligned with someone of lower self worth. I changed and grew my boundaries. I looked at other people and choose to see the good in them instead of highlighting only the faults. I realized that if I looked for the faults, I would always find them. But if I looked for only the qualities, I would always find them. I started showing myself grace and compassion. All of these things grew my ability to have. This thought work grew my self worth.
There is not one quality on the planet about your inner beliefs and thoughts that you’re lacking control of. You’re 100% in control. Once this is established, your outer world will grow to new heights and capacities you never thought possible. As always, my friends, I challenge you to question your programming and beliefs you or others instilled into your mind