Hi guys. Today’s episode is super short and quick, and it’s a reminder of one of the most important things in our life, in our business, and in our relationships. Okay? Today we’re going to discuss your ability and your inability to feel your feelings, and what actually happens when you start fully allowing emotion into your life.
Also hey. I’ve got to tell you guys. I know a lot of you all listen to this podcast with kiddos, which probably isn’t a good idea to begin with. But for this particular episode, please throw in some headphones or wait until you are not with the kiddos okay. I’m going to be talking about the secrets behind Santa Claus and the magic and the mysticism of the North Pole and the elves, and I do not want your kids to know the secrets that only grownups know about Santa Claus. So if you are with your kiddos, please again throw some headphones in or just wait.
All right, this is episode number 34 of The Hell Yes Entrepreneur. I am your host Becca Pike. It is time for your weekly dose of Hell Yes Coaching. Let’s go.
Hey, guys. I’m Becca Pike and welcome to The Hell Yes Entrepreneur podcast, the number one show for entrepreneurs looking to create their first six-figure year. If you’ve got the drive and you know how to hustle but you’re not sure where to channel your energy, we’ve got the answers. Let’s dive into today’s show.
Happy, happy New Year. I hope you guys are having a fantastic start to 2022. On the day this episode is going to air, I will be in flight to the beautiful Eden Roc Hotel in Miami, Florida to meet with my 30 More Mastermind students to plan out our entire year. Guys I am beyond excited to get there, to kick back, and being creating massive, magical goals and holding belief with this group of entrepreneurs that have no idea what they are getting into most of them.
We are going to have our champagne welcome reception on Friday night, and then we are going to hole up in a conference room all day Saturday creating goals and going through our businesses. Tearing them apart, rebuilding them, getting to know each other. Then going out to eat dinner together at a luxurious five star Japanese restaurant called Nobu. Some of you may know Nobu. There’s one in Miami. There’s one in New York City. I think they’re all over the place to be honest. Then Sunday morning we’re waking up and we’re doing yoga together.
My friends, this is only the beginning. Because after we do all of this, we’re going to fly back to our homes and then we’re going to begin the six month mastermind. The six month mastermind where we double our revenue while cutting our work in half. If you’re interested in the next round of 30 More and you meet the requirements, be on the lookout for the application window which will open in May of 2022 in preparation for the July start date. All right.
So guys I am bringing this podcast to you because I got inspired by Stacey Boehman’s most recent episode of her podcast where she talks about how she is pregnant, and she’s in a mom’s group. One of the moms in the group stared a thread where she was asking other moms, “Hey, do you let your kids believe in Santa? I don’t want to let my kids believe in Santa because I don’t want them to be disappointed, basically.”
A bunch of moms chimed in, and Stacey said that it was about 50/50. It was like 50% of moms were like of course I want my kids to believe in Santa. The other 50% were like no, I would never like to my kids. I don’t want them to feel disappointed. Okay?
She goes on throughout the episode, which is a golden episode. I highly suggest downloading it and listening to it. She goes on in this episode to talk about the importance of allowing your kids to make believe. Allowing your kids to have an imagination.
How when we take away the magic, when we take away the disappointment. When we say, “Hey we’re not gonna let them believe in Santa because we don’t want them to have disappointment.” When we’re doing that, that choice also removes their ability to feel other emotions. That takes away their ability to feel the magic and the wonder and the mystery and the joy and the excitement of Christmas, right?
Stacey went on this rant that I won’t do justice here, but she talked a lot about how imagination harbored as a child allows us to become more imaginative as an adult. How in business we must be capable to imagine the impossible. We have to have access to that part of our brain that allows us to imagine things outside of what feels possible in the moment, right. To make believe is literally to make or create belief, right.
We must teach our children to create belief in every way that we can. When they’re kids, it’s in make believe. It is in make believe of Santa, of the tooth fairy, of dressing up, of using our imagination, of creating, of painting, of coloring, of making belief, right. They must create belief in themselves, in the universe, in their marriage, in their business, in their friendships, right? We as their parents, we must foster their ability to feel these types of emotions so as adults we are practiced on creating belief.
It’s all about our willingness to feel disappointment but also out ability to believe in magic and possibilities and the things our brain can’t comprehend as possible. How important that part of our brain is to creating larger businesses and happy homes and healthy bodies, right. Are you following me?
So all this to say after listening to her episode, I really started thinking about this. It reminded me of one of my very favorite quotes by Brooke Castillo who said, “If there’s no emotion that you’re unwilling to feel, then there’s no action that you’re unwilling to say.” She went on to say, “I truly believe that every time I’m in a room.”
If you don’t know Brooke Castillo, she’s at like $50 million a year through life coaching. She is a fucking genius at like everything she puts out. She teaches people how to create money and to have successful lives, right? She said, “I truly believe that every time I’m in a room and I am the highest paid earner, it is only because I am more willing to feel emotions than everyone else that’s in that room.” Okay? So what she’s saying here is that she is more willing to feel embarrassment or rejection or uncertainty or hesitancy. She’s saying she’s more willing to feel attention, unease.
Here’s what it made me think. It made me think I agree with that 100% first of all. People aren’t procrastinating because they don’t want to do something. They’re procrastinating because they don’t want to feel something, right. Like you’re not selling because you don’t want to feel rejection. You’re not delegating because you don’t want to feel the uncertainty of allowing someone to take over that part of your business. You’re not having that hard conversation with your staff members because you do not want to feel the unease and the resistance that comes with it.
Some people even keep a barrier between themselves and positive emotions. When I was leaning into the starving artist world when it was cool to be broke, I was resisting success because I didn’t want to feel powerful. I didn’t want to feel optimistic. That would mean that I would be kicked out of that tribe, right. It wasn’t cool to be successful. We were starving artists. Now looking back I’m like damn, what a weird tribe. Why was I a part of that?
I was talking to my friend Sara Bose, who’s a 30 More member. She was talking to me about buffering positive emotions. She says that she notices herself buffering joy and not allowing herself to feel joy. I thought that this was super interesting. She later sent me this quote by the queen Brené Brown.
It reads, “When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding. No emotion is more frightening than joy because we believe if we allow ourselves to feel joy then we are inviting disaster. We are dress rehearsing tragedy in the best moments of our lives in order to stop vulnerability from beating us to the punch. We are terrified of being blindsided by pain. So we practice tragedy and trauma. But there’s a huge cost. When we push away joy, we squander the goodness that we need to build. Resilience, strength, and courage.”
Holy shit, right? Guys to be fair, we must look at the whole picture. We can’t look at a task and only expect the hard emotions without fairly assessing what positive emotion can come out of it, right? So if Brooke Castillo is more willing to feel rejection, she must also be weighing the possibility of the flipside. She knows rejection is possible, right? We all do when we’re going into a task. She also knows that by facing her rejection she will have triumph and empowerment through the confidence and the knowledge that is built.
Every time you are scared of rejection or loss or embarrassment or you’re buffering yourself from feeling these emotions, you’re likely only focusing on those probabilities, right. Many people find these emotions to be their worst case scenario. They spend their whole life trying to buffer themselves and protect themselves from feeling these emotions not realizing that exposing ourselves to these emotions will bring us more of what we actually want.
Let’s take a quick look at why we view these emotions to be so horrible, right? If rejection is your worst case scenario or embarrassment or guilt so much that you’re moving your life around in order to not feel it, it must be brought to the surface and questioned. When we were kids, being embarrassed was a lot harder because we didn’t have the coping mechanisms that we have now. Being rejected was a lot harder because we couldn’t survive without the acceptance of our family. Most adults haven’t taken the time to reexam through this adult lenses, right?
It reminds me of like there was this ceramic bunny that my grandma had that I was scared of. It was just this cute little ceramic painted bunny, but one of its eyes was scratched off. To me that was fucking bananas. I remember I was like six. I did not like that bunny. I didn’t want to go in that room where that bunny was. It was terrifying, right.
Then later as an adult looking at that bunny now I’m like oh, it’s just a ceramic bunny. Got its eye scratched off. Not a big deal, right. I’m just seeing it through a different lens because I have different coping mechanisms. I have different emotional regulating mechanisms. I understand that this is just a ceramic bunny that holds nothing that I need to be fearful of.
But it requires me to be able to see it through an adult lens. I think a lot of us, we have created ideas of what we think is so terrifying about being rejected or feeling guilty or feeling shame or whatever, but we haven’t taken the time to really stop and consider why. Or consider looking at it through the adult lens. We have only built habits on how we should react to these emotions and how they should feel in our body from when we were little.
What is actually scary about feeling rejected? What happens when we feel rejected? We have to really dissect what we’re scared of. Only you can do this on your own time. You have to sit down on your own time and decide what it is that actually scares you. I’m constantly reminding myself that if someone doesn’t like what I’m saying or what I’m doing, literally nothing happens to me or my loved ones. Nothing.
The scariest thing that is possible is that someone has an opinion about me. I’m not physically harmed though. My kids aren’t physically harmed. My husband’s not physically harmed. When someone has an opinion about me, nothing happens. It stays in their head, or it stays in their circle of friends. That’s it. Right? Can everyone see this?
So I want you to ask yourself. What emotion would you need to allow to take your business to the next level? Get very specific. What is the one emotion that you are shying away from that would bring forth the most business improvement if you were willing to 100% feel it. Is it loss? Sadness? Uncertainty? Embarrassment. Disappointment. I think disappointment is a big one, right. Are you buffering from feeling powerful or focused? Are you buffering from optimism? Are you buffering from feeling overwhelm? Right?
Then I want you to do this with your marriage and your health too. What emotion would you need to allow to take your marriage or your relationships, your relationship with your mom, with your sister, with your brother, right. With your former spouse. What emotion would you need to allow to take your health to the next level?
As you go into 2022, a lot of people choose a word that they want to feel for the year. It’s like the word of the year, right. What word do you want to keep at the forefront of your mind? Last year my word was creativity. By god I created a lot of shit last year. My coach said that her word this year is emotion. At this time, I can’t think of a better word for the year of 2022. So guys, I don’t know about you.
This has been just a reminder that I love and that I need all the time. I’m going to practice the skill and the art of feeling everything. Being capable of sitting with any feeling. Not shying from an emotion. Not saying that an emotion is good nor bad, right? Some emotions might feel more difficult in our body. We might feel more resistance to an emotion. But an emotion is neutral.
An emotion, it has thoughts that come with it. It has feelings that come with it, but the emotion is nothing to be afraid of. Allowing joy and shame and unease and happiness and discomfort. These emotions are the human experience.
So as you go on your day today, I want you to consider what you’re suffering. I want you to invite it. Invite it to come along with you. You know sometimes I think about someone asked me one time, “Are you ever scared? Are you ever scared with how many business moves you’re making?”
If you don’t know me, I want you all to know that I was a waitress six years go. Paycheck to paycheck literally tip to tip waitress. Barely getting by. Getting evicted from my apartment. I now have multiple million dollar, two companies, and four kids and a husband. A whirlwind of a life change. I am constantly pushing the envelope on what’s possible for me and my business.
I have people that have asked me like are you scared? It seems like you’re doing really big things. You’re starting a podcast. You’re starting a mastermind. You’re starting this. You’re starting a group program. You’re doing all these things. You’re hiring all these people. Are you scared? My answer is always fuck yes. Yes, I’m always scared. Terrified.
But you can either be terrified and it can keep you from doing what you want to do. Or like I tell my friends, I just have fear sit in the passenger seat with me just riding alongside. Sometimes she’s just riding beside me in my car. I pat her on the knee, and I see that she’s there. I wish she wasn’t, but she’s coming along for the ride. She’s coming with me, right? I’m going to feel her. I’m going to let her be there, but I’m still going to continue to do all the things that I do throughout the day even with fear next to me.
All right guys. That is it for today. I will see you guys here next week. Please remember I do have a $9 webinar course right now to land your next client. You can go to hellyeswebinar.com. Have a great day. Bye guys.
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Hey, thanks for taking the time to listen to today’s episode. If you’re looking to get more clarity and momentum for your business, visit hellyescoachingonline.com. See you next week here on The Hell Yes Entrepreneur podcast.