“I wouldn’t be in this shitty state of mind if my husband didn’t leave me.”
“I wouldn’t be so broke if the health care system wasn’t so jacked.”
“My parents are so toxic and irresponsible, look at where I am because of them.”
“My job has no room for growth, that’s why I will never make the money I want to make.”
“I don’t have a good relationship with my kids because my ex spouse does XYZ.”
“I am obese because my family taught me to cope with food.”
“I would be more in shape if my back didn’t hurt.”
Blame game, much? That’s okay, we all do it. But to what extent and how do we stop in order to take control back? Lack of ownership is a purposeful lack of control, with an agenda behind it.
Taking ownership of where you are in your life is the first and most important step to living the best life you possibly can.
A lot of people that are white-knuckling their excuses REALLY don’t want to hear this, but:
Your. Life. Is. Yours. & Your. Circumstances. Are. Within. Your. Control. Every single one of them.
There are people with amazing parents who turned out addicted to drugs, ungrateful, and depressed. Just like there are people that grew up with severely absent and abusive parents, later got in car accidents, lost control of their limbs, and yet still grew up to change the world, appreciate others, serve their community and family, and become wealthy and healthy and free. The only difference was the ownership they took for their own life and circumstances and the mindset they adopted. READ THAT AGAIN. The ONLY difference was the ownership they took for their life and circumstances, and the mindset they adopted.
“There are people in prison who are free, and people who are free that are in prison.” _Tony Robbins
Grew up poor? Good, use that hunger to create the life you want.
Your husband left you? Feel your anger, feel your disappointment, but let it be your drive to a better life.
Your job has no room for growth? How does that feel to be imprisoned under a glass ceiling? Use that frustration to propel you into a new way of living.
We, as humans, like to get really complicated with why we can’t do all the things we want to do. We like to pretend our circumstances are so spider webbed with problems, that others just can’t understand or even empathize. But this is where I challenge you to stop letting yourself off the hook. This is where I challenge you to stop your story and to stop playing small.
If you are overweight, move your body.
If you are broke, make more money.
If you are in a shit relationship, find your way out of it. Whatever it takes.
Whatever ‘story’ you’re holding onto is keeping you small and safe. Humans spent millions of years staying small and staying safe. We had to for survival. Our brains are wired to do so and it is why you and I do it. It’s natural to want to protect ourselves. But it’s time we ask what we are protecting ourselves from? At some point our story benefited us, and that’s why we started using it. Maybe our pity story gave us attention or love and connection as others felt sorry for us. But what we didn’t realize at the time was how shallow of a connection and how shallow of a love it gave us from them. After years of this we find our stories to be the “truth” and we are addicted to our story and can’t see past it.
We are not our story. The longer we white-knuckle our stories and hold them close to our hearts, the longer we live in fear, frustration, anger, depression, and lack.
Are you benefiting from your story? Maybe you did once. Maybe blaming your parents for being overweight gave you a reason to not have to go through the difficulty of losing the weight. Maybe blaming your ex wife let your side of responsibility off the hook. But it doesn’t anymore, and all it does is imprison you to the person or event you dislike so much.
I challenge you to sit down and number a page 1-3. Then, without filtering your thoughts or thinking too deeply, I want you to write down the three reasons WHY you don’t have the life you want. What did you write? What was the story? This will give you a great look into what your story is and what your excuse is. This is something I do periodically to unearth my excuses. It can be hard to realize our own excuses because they feel like such truths to us. They can be small or big. They can be our excuse for the day or our excuse of the decade. Unearthing these excuses and getting to know them is so beneficial. Put your excuse under a microscope and examine the shit out of it. Where did it come from and how is it benefiting you?
At Hell Yes Coaching, we help you find these, then we help you re-wire your brain to blast through these prison walls. We have seen clients, through the help of coaching, give up their anxiety medicine after a decade. We have seen clients forgive their parents finally, at the age of 60. We have seen clients release emotional baggage they have held onto for years. We have seen clients lose weight, run marathons, grow businesses, heal their marriages, or cut toxic people from their lives.
If you’re looking for a sign to change your excuses and mindset, assume this is it.